The Last Five Years
by anovelgrlwrites
Summary: Five years wasn't forever, but it was enough.
1. The Worst is Over

**Hey everyone! So, I had to delete my stories because I was reported as violating the Terms of Service for FF net. That's why TLFY was originally deleted from here. **

**I'm pretty sure I know who did it, but not to fear, I'm back with a vengeance! Also, the if ever there is an "extended" scene in a chapter, it'll be posted on my LJ anovelgrlwrites dot livejournal dot com. I've taken out a lot of the explicit stuff and left the meat of the chapters. For extended scenes, go to my LJ.**

**Anon who reported me, you can't hold me down! xoxo JW**

* * *

"...where can I turn?

Covered in scars I did nothing to earn."

**-The Last Five Years**

_The Worst is Over_

_June 2009_

_Olivia already felt as though they'd made a huge mistake buying a house with so many stairs. _

_The four bedroom, three-and-a-half bath townhouse in Old Town Alexandria was a dream: hardwood floors, gourmet kitchen, master suite with balcony, patio on the roof, and a two car garage, clocking in at just under $800,000._

_More than that, it was their place. She and Fitz had finally made it happen for the two of them. A year of sneaking around, a year of waiting for Fitz's nasty divorce to settle down, and they were finally able to start their life together. _

_"Hey! No, resting Ms. Pope. There's a lot more stuff to get settled."_

_Olivia stared at him from her perch on the steps. She stuck her tongue out and reclined back on the hard stairs. _

_"Why didn't we send all out things with the moving crew, again?"_

_Fitz chuckled and set the box he was holding down at the foot of the stairs. He leaned his body over her reclined one. He gently pecked her lips once, then again before plopping down on the step below her. _

_"Because we wanted that genuine 'moving in together experience.'" _

_"That was stupid of us."_

_"We only brought twenty of our own boxes, Liv."_

_"We have three flights of stairs, Fitzgerald Grant, or have you forgotten?"_

_Fitz moved off his step quickly and laid himself over Olivia's body, pressing her into the stairs. _

_"Oh, I haven't forgotten, sweet baby. I can't wait to take you on both flights of stairs."_

_Olivia groaned; a little from discomfort, but mostly from being turned on. _

_"You're going to need to put a pin in that, dear. We need to finish, then I'm going to take a nap, then you can ravage me on the stairs, or anywhere you like for that matter."_

_Fitz pressed his hips deeper into Olivia's and watched as her eyes turned hazy and unfocused. He loved the power he held over her body. She became putty in his hands at a well-spoken phrase or gesture. He wasn't immune to her wiles, either. Every little thing she did made him crazy. He was continually amazed his life included the beautiful, vivacious, smart and sexy as hell woman beneath him. _

_"Let's just skip to the ravaging part."_

_Fitz attached his lips to hers, stopping whatever rebuttal she'd prepared. His fingers attached themselves to the buttons of her ochre colored shirt. He detached his mouth from hers and followed the trail of skin he was exposing._

_His teeth scraped over her bra clad nipple making her moan and hit her head on the wood stairs. _

_"Ow."_

_Fitz chuckled, but didn't move his mouth for her chest._

_"Fitz, can't we move to our bed upstairs?" she asked as she laced her fingers through his hair, giving a light tug. "It would be so much more comfortable."_

_Fitz popped the clasp on her bra and smiled up at her. "I'm comfortable here."_

_"That's because it's not your back that's being pressed into the hardwood."_

_"Fine," Fitz said as he quickly switched their positions so he was leaning against the steps and she was perched in his lap. _

_Fitz snuck a hand up her tiny shorts. She moaned and arched her back when the pads of his fingers brushed over her heat. _

_"Fitz, please, don't tease me now. There's plenty time for that later," she said nipping at his lips as his fingers gently probed her throbbing center. "Please, please."_

_Fitz growled and motioned for her to stand up. He ripped the shorts down her body along with her panties while she tried to unbuckle and unzip his well-worn jeans. She loved that pair to distraction because she loved how wonderful they made his ass look. _

_Olivia settled herself down on his exposed erection and sighed at the feeling of completeness. It'd been less than twenty-four hours since they'd been in a similar intimate position, but they were insatiable. _

_Olivia bucked against him meeting the rhythm he set. She was sure he was going to have a nasty bruise on the rear she loved so much, but that didn't stop her from pressing harder and taking more. _

_Fitz buried his face in her neck and bit down relishing in the ability to scream and grunt as loudly as they wanted. This was their house, their space, their lives and their very loud, slightly tawdry fuck. _

_Olivia chanted that she was close and screwed her eyes shut as Fitz's fingers strummed her perfectly sending her over the edge and causing such a magnificent yell to erupt from her mouth. _

_Fitz kissed her lightly, once, and then again before he gently moved her off his lap. Fitz stood on shaky legs and completely pulled down his jeans and boxers, threw off his Navy shirt and hoisted Olivia in a fireman's hold. _

_"Fitz, put me down this instant! What are you doing? You've got a bad back, ya know?"_

_Fitz popped Olivia twice on her ass causing a pleasurable groan to leave her lips. _

_"You're going to pay for that, Ms. Pope. All over this new house of ours. Again and again and again."_

**July 2012**

"Mrs. Grant? Mrs. Grant?"

Olivia's head snapped up as he assistant stood beside her at the base of the stairs. Every single bit of space reminded her of him. Every single place in that 2500 square foot townhouse held a memory, bittersweet and painful.

"I'm sorry, Adrian, what did you say?"

"The movers wanted to know if the Mondrian is yours or Mr. Grant's?"

"It's mine. They can pack it-carefully. It's the original, not a print. And how many times have I told you to call me Olivia or Ms. Pope if you must be formal? I'm not Mrs. Grant anymore."

Adrian nodded and held her iPad close to her chest. "Noted, Ms. Pope. Once everything is loaded, you'll be all set. I've already arranged for all your final documents to forwarded to your new address. I'll stay and do the final walk through with the renter's tomorrow."

"I really appreciate you, Adrian. Thank you. Well, I'm going to head out if you don't need me for anything else."

Adrian shook her head. "Nothing at all, Ms. Pope. I'll finish up here."

Olivia smiled and gently squeezed Adrian's wrist in gratitude. She picked up her recently purchased Prada bag and threw it over her shoulder, desperately trying to block out the memories that seemed to live inside these walls.

Olivia briskly walked down the stairs and out of the front door. She climbed into the waiting towncar, her throat tight, barely keeping the tears at bay.

What a waste. Five years of her life gone. She had nothing; that wasn't true, she had a lot. She won their properties in the divorce settling and a generous alimony. She turned down the alimony, she had her own money, and all the property holdings except their Alexandria loft and the East Hampton beach house.

In hindsight, she wished she hadn't kept any of it. The memories didn't grow dimmer, in fact, they were so powerful at times that they'd cause Olivia's knees to buckle and her stomach to clench.

She felt like her heart was missing. She felt angry. She felt betrayed. But most of all, she just felt so utterly alone.

0o0o0

"Great work, as always Olivia. The client was thrilled with the rollout and has committed to three more years with the firm. Boy, am I ever glad I hired you."

Olivia smiled across her desk at her boss. Olivia had no idea what she was getting into by accepting a position at the prestigious BBDO as in house PR. She had no formal advertising experience, but was an infamous one woman spin machine. Plus, she adored her new boss.

Katherine Barkley was a powerful woman and head of Olivia's division. She was cunning, devious and brilliant. They were qualities that Olivia knew how to work with.

"I'm not that fantastic, Kat. This was easy."

"I put Egan on this months ago and he couldn't deliver. You've been here," Katherine stopped and looked at her Cartier watch. "Six days. Come on Liv, you're a god send, don't act like you aren't. Why don't you take the rest of the day? Finish setting up that gorgeous apartment you scored, which I'm insanely jealous of, and be back here in the morning."

Olivia smiled and nodded her assent. She knew better than to go head to head with Katherine over this.

Olivia straightened up her desk and picked up her handbag. She made her way down to the street where the car service afforded all the executives of BBDO waited to whisk her off to her apartment in Brooklyn.

The Dumbo district was dumbly named, but her building was nestled between the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges. She had fantastic views of Manhattan and Brooklyn in a space completely her own.

When Olivia made it home, Adrian was hard at work unpacking boxes and and directing a decorating team on where to hang the various pieces.

"Adrian, I think I'd like to donate that one." Olivia said pointing to the Mondrian that was being centered onto a blank wall beside her bay windows. "Would you find out if MoMA is accepting pieces right now?"

"Certainly, Ms. Pope." Adrian replied as she moved off towards the decorators to have them re-wrap the piece to take into the city.

Olivia walked into her kitchen and reached into one of the glass front cabinets for a wine glass. She opened a bottle of 2009 Malbec and let it breathe while she walked over to her window that overlooked the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a beautiful city. One that didn't haunt her the same way DC did.

"Ms. Pope?" Adrian interrupted before Olivia allowed herself to wallow in self-pity. "MoMA said they'd be happy to take the Mondrian on loan. They're doing a Neo-Placisits exhibit soon."

"Adrian, is there anything you can't do?"

"Well, I'm learning from the best Ms. Pope."

Olivia smiled and watched the young woman leave to continue instructing people where to go. Olivia never thought she'd need a personal assistant, but Adrian was proving to be worth her weight in gold.

Olivia vaguely wondered if once she'd finished spending $50,000 on her apartment if it'd lose that cold, empty feeling that seemed to consume her when she stepped inside. Even with no less than six people currently milling about, she felt utterly alone.

_May 2012 _

_"I went downtown and closed the bank account. Here's a bank draft for the balance," Fitz said as he held the bank note out in front of him. _

_Olivia stared at the paper for a moment before she turned back towards her open suitcase on the bed. _

_"Livi, please don't do this. We can work this out. Please don't go."_

_"Don't start this again. This is over. You made sure of that when you stopped coming home some nights. When you fucked her. I hope it was worth it."_

_"Olivia, please. Don't. It was a mistake. It happened one time. I swear it."_

_"Save your breath," Olivia said moving around him towards their shared dresser. Fitz, tired of being ignored, grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. _

_"I've apologized a thousand times, Liv. I'm begging you not to go. You were fine this morning. What happened?"_

_Olivia struggled to break his hold on her, but this only caused him to double his efforts. _

_"She happened, Fitz. She came around with this lovely little parting gift."_

_Olivia motioned towards the top of the dresser where a plain mamilla folder sat. Fitz reluctantly let her go and picked up the folder. A small black and white photo slid out into his hand when he tipped it over. _

_The bottom of the tiny picture listed, Tanner, A, twelve weeks. Attached was to the back was a tiny post-it reading "Congratulations, we're having a girl! Love, Amanda."_

_Fitz turned to Olivia who was busy stuffing her belongings into her suitcase. _

_"Livi, it's not my baby."_

_"Shut up, Fitz. Stop lying, for once, just stop lying. I couldn't give you another child and you were angry, I understand that, but this is too much. I can't believe you did this to us. I will never forgive you, Fitz."_

Olivia was shaken from her memory by the feeling of wetness on her shoulder. She brought her hand up to her face and angrily wiped away the tears that'd formed there. She'd shed more than her fair share of tears over Fitzgerald Grant. Enough was enough.

It was time to start over.


	2. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

_The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face_

_February 2007_

"Fire her, Cyrus."

"Not a chance, Fitz. She's exactly what your campaign needs."

"If she's really the hot shot you're claiming, why is she working on my campaign and not Langston's?"

"Because Langston is a crackpot and, I called in a favor. Honestly, Fitz, I don't understand why you're not polling better, and she's good at this, try to play nice."

Playing nice wasn't the issue. Fitz's issue with Olivia Pope was much more complex than that. He'd never had that kind of physical reaction to anyone before in his life. He felt instantly guilty about the thoughts that ran through his head. He wondered what color her bra and underwear would be, he wondered what she'd sound like when he powered into her, and he wondered how she'd look against his crisp white sheets.

"I don't like this Cy. I don't know anything about her. Is she even a Republican?"

"Does that matter, Governor Grant?"

Fitz spun towards the doorway where the object of his lust stood glaring at him. It was an expression that she wore pretty regularly around him. It should have turned him off, should've helped him remember he was a married man with two beautiful kids; but, all her pointed glares served as was a constant ember of the burning desire he held for her. Simply stated, it made him want to fuck the clothes right off of her. He was in this too deep.

"I think it matters, Ms. Pope."

"Why?" she asked succinctly.

Fitz rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "I kind of want to know that you believe in what you're peddling."

"I'm apolitical, Governor, but don't worry, I could sell snow to an Eskimo. I'm brilliant and I can make you the front runner for this nomination, but you have to trust me, and you have to do exactly what I tell you to do."

Fitz felt his body growing hotter. She was amazing. She was brainy and beautiful, a lethal combination for Fitz's resolve.

"What do you need me to do, Ms. Pope?"

"Cyrus and I need to sit with you and your wife. We need to hash some things out. We need to make you two look like a loving couple again."

Fitz scoffed lightly and turned to glance at Cyrus who'd been watching the interaction in a state of utter amusement.

"Good luck, with that, Ms. Pope."

0o0o0

"I never wanted to be a part of this, Fitz, and you know that. This is literally the last thing I wanted to do with my life. I've given up everything for you, and have gotten nothing but twenty very long years of grief and two kids I didn't want."

"Like my life's been a bed of roses with you, Mellie. And don't you dare talk about our children that way."

"Give it a rest, Fitz. You're already the favorite parent; you're not going to earn any points from either of them." Mellie fired off, pointing towards where Cyrus and Olivia sat in the outer room.

She was livid. This 'Girl Friday' that Cyrus brought in was a nightmare. More than anything, she reminded Mellie of what her own life could've been like had she been ten years younger. Olivia was smart, daring, and the perfect fix for this broken machine, but for Mellie, it was just too little, too late.

"What do you want me to do then, Mel? Bow out? I know how much you want to be in that White House, so don't try to sell me this 'woe is me' garbage."

"You're not wrong, Fitz. I want the White House, but I don't want it standing behind you!"

Mellie pulled the door open and stormed out of the suite without a backward glance.

Olivia walked into the room where Fitz was while Cyrus followed Mellie to try to talk to her.

"Governor Grant?" Olivia said lightly as took in Fitz's defeated mien.

He scoffed lightly and leaned back in his seat. "I should just probably throw the towel in, right, Ms. Pope? You told us we needed to be a loving married couple, but my wife's not willing to play that part anymore. I don't have a shot, do I?"

Olivia sighed, moved a chair across from him and sat down. "I won't lie to you, Governor, it won't be easy. If Mellie's unwilling to play the part, then voters are less likely to get on board. You still have an impeccable resume: you come from old money, Harvard educated, Navy man, and you're good looking. We can fix this."

Fitz gave a slow, deadly smile that had Olivia scooting back just a bit in her chair.

"You think I'm good looking?"

Olivia shrugged. "I think that's an indisputable fact. I hear the chatter around the room even if I don't participate."

"There's chatter?"

Olivia nodded and started to stand, but was caught by Fitz's hand wrapping around her wrist. Olivia felt like a jolt of electricity had run up her arm and it took everything in her not to moan aloud.

"Don't leave, Olivia. No one ever sits and talks with me, they just talk at me and always about the campaign. I don't know anything about you beyond the fact that Cyrus was your professor in law school. Tell me about yourself."

Fitz motioned with his free hand for her to sit again. He still held on to her wrist, his thumb tracing a light pattern on the inside of her wrist.

Olivia retook her seat and stared at Fitz. She knew he'd asked her a question and it was rude not to answer, but she couldn't tear herself away from his stormy gray eyes. Her body felt heavy and fuzzy under his touch-a touch so simple it was almost non-existent, but it made Olivia very grateful she was sitting down.

"What do you want to know?"

"Start at the beginning."

0o0o0

**July 2012**

Fitz had to chuckle at his son's sense of humor. He held a post card that was marked from St. Lucia signed by his son and his son's new wife. The front read, "The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. Greetings from Margaritaville!"

Jerry wrote a quick note letting his father know that he and his wife were having a good time in paradise and thanks for the bottle of champagne he had sent to the room.

Fitz moved over to the fridge and lifted a magnet from the door to display the cheeky postcard. He was so happy that Jerry was happy. He wished he could have that same happiness, but his chances seemed to have run out.

Fitz stopped and wondered what Karen was doing at the moment.

"Probably still sleeping," he muttered to no one. Karen moves to London on what almost seemed like a whim. She'd made it perfectly clear what she thought about him and the fallout with Olivia.

His own daughter hadn't spoken to him in almost a year.

But, she talked to Olivia—every day. At least she did before the divorce was settled; there was no reason to believe she'd stopped now that the ink had dried.

Fitz moved over to the bar and poured himself three-fingers of whiskey, neat. How'd his life get so fucked up so fast?

His new condo was cold, but afforded him spectacular views of the Pacific Ocean and the beach. He wished desperately he could go to the ranch, but it wasn't his anymore. Fitz gave the property to the newest married Grant, Jerry, and had bought the Malibu condo on a whim.

Nothing and everything reminded him of Olivia.

He thought about her when the tides came in and when they went back out. He sat and started letter after letter to her. He dialed her number, but never hit send. His whole life was in agony and his heart was thousands of miles away.

Fitz sank into his plush leather couch and watched the clouds roll in and the rain begin to fall.

"What a cliché," Fitz said, taking a big sip of his scotch.

Fitz stayed in that spot for hours on end. Even after both of his divorces, His money and his family's money made it possible for him not to work, and he was taking advantage of that fact. He'd been offered positions at several different prestigious law firms, but he wasn't ready to be around anyone just yet.

Everything was fine. He thought Olivia had forgiven him and that they were getting better. She'd even agreed to go to a marriage counselor and they even had two very successful sessions. Then she'd gotten that damn sonogram.

Fitz searched for Amanda in the following weeks to no avail. She'd conveniently swept in to fuck up his life, and swept back out again. He'd been telling the truth-unless a mediocre blowjob had some magical way of getting a girl pregnant, Amanda's baby wasn't his, but it'd been the perfect lie to break the very fragile trust that he and Olivia were desperately trying to rebuild.

The storm started to rage outside and lightning pierced the sky at steady intervals. Fitz leaned his head back against the couch. He closed his eyes and listened to the rain hitting his window. He used to love storms.

0o0o0

_April 2007_

Fitz wrapped his arm around Olivia tighter as the thunder shook the window of the hotel. Fitz had lost the nomination as front runner, but was on the ticket as Langton's moderate VP.

Fitz ran his lips from the top of Olivia's shoulder to the indention below her ear. He nipped lightly and smiled at the low moan that escaped her lips. Fitz groaned in return as her ass pushed back into him.

"We can't stay in bed all day, Fitz," Olivia's voice caught slightly as Fitz's teeth sunk deeper into her neck. "And stop doing that. You're going to leave way too many marks for me to be able to cover up."

Lightning lit up the room as Fitz pulled back from her neck to position his body completely over hers. He held her head in both hands and looked down at her.

"I love you, Liv."

Olivia's eyes grew wide and she jumped slightly at the big clap of thunder that entered their moment.

"What?"

"I love you."

Olivia shook her head slightly, unable to move a lot within Fitz's grasp. "I don't understand. We hardly know each other."

"That's hardly true, Livi. I know you better than I've ever known Mellie, and I'm not talking about the things you've told me, but just the things I know about you from watching you. You're what I want. I love you."

Fitz pressed his lips against hers not needing to hear a reply, but needing to be connected in a very primal way. Olivia sighed against his mouth and Fitz took the opportunity to slip his tongue past her lips.

Kissing Olivia was Fitz's new favorite pastime. She had the most supple, perfectly kissable lips and he was happy to oblige. He felt at home when he was with her. He'd never had that feeling with another woman before. It was a novelty; he wanted to protect it, protect them.

"I love you," he said again pulling back from her lips.

He rolled them over so Olivia was perched over him. He took in the way her neck and back arched perfectly as she rode him towards ecstasy, the lightning and rain providing the perfect backdrop for their coupling.

"I love you, too."

**July 2012**

The storm outside grew in intensity and forced Fitz out of his reverie. They'd been so good together.

Fitz quickly sat up and reached for his abandoned cell phone. It didn't matter that it was nearly 4 am on the west coast, he had to know. He had to find out if he still had a chance.

He quickly typed his message to Olivia, and hesitated for only a moment before hitting send.


	3. X & Y

_X & Y_**  
**

**July 2012**

"Mason asked me to marry him."

"Karen! That's great! Did you say yes?"

"I did...reluctantly."

"Karen..."

"I don't exactly have that much faith in marriage, Liv. My parents haven't exactly given me much faith in anything actually lasting. No offense. You know how much I love you."

"Did you call your dad?"

A long moment of silence met Olivia's question. "Karen... You need to talk to him. I know he misses you. He loves you very much and I know it must hurt him that you won't take any of his calls."

"I don't have anything to say."

"Your stubbornness is not appealing in this particular instance."

Karen scoffed. "Pot meet kettle."

Olivia sighed as she paced the length of her apartment. It was an exceedingly hot day in the city and Olivia was glad to be spending it indoors. The reflection of the sun against the pavement had sent Olivia back inside from her spur of the moment shopping trip.

"What happened between your father and I shouldn't affect your relationship with him, Karen. It breaks my heart that it does."

"I'm not ready to talk to him Liv. I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

"You have to call him at some point. He should probably know where and when to show up to walk his first born down the isle."

"Mason's dad offered to do it."

Olivia was stunned into silence. She knew that Karen had her reasons for being upset with her father, but Karen was a daddy's girl through and through. It was difficult to believe that even angry, she wouldn't want her father at her wedding.

"Karen, I'm begging you not to do this. It'll break his heart and it may not be a reparable fix. You know you'd regret it in the long run. And he'd be very, very hurt."

Karen sighed but didn't respond right away. "Will you be there if dad is there?"

Olivia smiled. "Wouldn't miss it for the world. I hope you don't think that your dad being there is a reason I wouldn't show up. And besides, he's more important to your day than I am."

"Just wanted to be sure."

Olivia's cell phone buzzed on the kitchen table, but she ignored it to finish out her conversation with Karen. Apparently, Mellie was over the moon about the engagement as Mason was the son of an Earl and Karen would be titled by marriage. Karen admitted she could care less about that and just hoped to live as normal a life with Mason as she could.

"Mom is throwing an engagement party for us in East Hampton at the end of August. She wants to have the first one and she wants to go out there one last time before the season ends. Please say you'll be there. I don't like any of mom's friends and Mason simply smiles and tolerates her because he loves me. Plus, I know dad's not getting an invitation to that one, no matter what I say, so you really don't have any excuses."

Olivia hesitated. "I don't think that's a great idea, Karen."

"Oh please, you can handle Mellie Rothschild. You've dealt with dictators and presidents. What's one bitter upper eastsider going to do to you? Please? I really want you there, Liv."

"You know I can't say no to you."

"The Grant charm is lethal."

"Don't I know it," Olivia added wanly. "Send me the information and I'll be there. And please, please, tell your mother before hand so I'm not an unwelcomed surprise, just unwelcome."

"You'll be welcome by me and Mason. That's all that matters, Liv. Thank you."

Olivia hummed and walked over to her table to pick up her phone. She pressed the home button on her iPhone and was startled to see Fitz's name with the word 'iMessage' beneath.

"Liv! Did you hear me?"

"I'm sorry, Kare, what was that?" Olivia set the phone down hastily and tuned back in to what Karen was saying.

"It's a black & white party, so dress accordingly. I'll send you everything when we get off the phone."

"Noted. Take care of yourself, and call your dad."

Karen sighed. "Love you, Liv."

Olivia hit the off button on her phone and walked across the room to replace the handset in its cradle. She stood and stared at her phone in shock and apprehension. It was a little after four AM on the west coast. Why was he texting her? What more could they possibly have to say.

With shaking hands, Olivia unlocked her phone and ghosted her finger over the messages icon. She took a deep breath and read the message waiting on her from Fitz.

'_Do you remember that day we spent trapped in the Ritz? I asked you a question then, 'Are we worth fighting for?' and you told me yes. Is that still true? Do you still love me enough to try?'_

0o0o0

_March 2008_

_"We're trapped here."_

_"Isn't there a back entrance?"_

_"This building backs up to an alleyway that leads to the front of the building, Fitz. There's no other way out of here."_

_"Then I guess we'll just have to wait them out."_

_"I'm hungry."_

_"We'll order room service."_

_Olivia threw her arms up in frustration as she paced in front of the bed in their room. Fitz leaned back on the bed as he watched the love of his life mutter to herself. He would risk laughing at her if she weren't so tightly wound. _

"_Why do you look so amused? This isn't funny! There are fifty reporters waiting outside to catch us leaving this place. This is a disaster."_

"_How is this a disaster?"_

"_The ink just dried on your divorce, Fitz. Sally Langston just lost the bid for the presidency and you've suddenly taken up with your mistress. Probably not the kind of press your new firm wants at the moment."'_

"_You're not a mistress. You never have been. And so what if the press finds out?"_

"_You'll be a joke."_

"_So?"_

"_I'll be a joke. My whole reputation is on the line here, Fitz."_

"_Ah, so the real reason comes out."_

_Olivia paused her circuit and turned to stare at Fitz. "It's different for you than it is for me. Philandering men always come out on the other side of this much better than home wreckers."_

"_You're not a home wrecker, and while the beginning of this relationship wasn't on the up and up, we don't have anything to hide. I love you. We have no reason to hide that."_

"_I feel like everything I've worked hard for in this town has gone to hell."_

"_I gave up things for you, too, Olivia. A lot actually."_

_Olivia stared at him, incredulous. "I never asked you for any of that, Fitz—"_

"_I know, Liv, but if this is going to work, we both need to give—"_

"_I have given—"_

"—_and be willing to take some hits now and again. It isn't going to be pretty, but we're worth it, right? We love each other enough to make it, right?"_

_Olivia took several deep breaths. Fitz waited. He watched her mind whir at an impressive speed, watched how her hands shook just slightly, and watched as she gingerly shifted her weight back and forth. _

"_Do you love me, Olivia?"_

_Her lengthy pause made Fitz antsy and angry. Why was it so difficult for her to just admit it?_

"_It's a simple question, Olivia. With a yes or no answer."_

"_Nothing is that simple, Fitz. You know that."_

"_Then why are you here?" He nearly shouted the question, but managed to keep his cool, as he felt slightly ashamed for the look he caused Olivia to give him. "Why are we doing this if you can't admit that you love me, too?"_

"_Fitz..."_

"_Simple yes or no, Olivia. Do you love me?"_

_Olivia's bottom lip quivered slightly as tears filled her eyes but didn't fall. She nodded her head twice. _

"_Yes," she whispered lightly. "You know I do, but this isn't easy, Fitz. I've worked my ass off in this town and I feel like every little bit of hard work is being thrown out of the window. Don't you get that? And how do we even know if this thing is going last, Fitz? They're going to start printing stuff about us and taking photos and your kids, Fitz...they're going to have to deal with all of this on top of everything else, and—"_

_Fitz stood from the bed and crossed to where she paced in three long strides. He halted her frantic movements and hastily brought his mouth down to hers. For several long, breath-taking moments they got lost in one another. Olivia allowed herself to become consumed by his kisses and the passion that seemed to seep through her pores._

_She loved this man. Without a doubt: truly, deeply and completely. She couldn't remember a moment or time before him and she was hard pressed to think there would ever be a time after him. _

_Fitz slowly pulled his lips away from hers and ghosted them over her brow line, to the hollow behind her ear, and took a slow and torturous journey down her neck that made Olivia shiver from pleasure and want._

"_This is real," he said before lightly nipping the hollow of her neck. He met her hazy brown eyes with his own. He was sure his own eyes held the same lustful depth as her own. "This is what I want and I'm willing to fight for you. I don't want you to be a secret. I'm not a secret and I refuse to yours. And no, this is not going to be easy, but I'll ask you again, its worth is right?"_

_Olivia nodded, as she took short, stuttered breaths. He had an amazing way with words, he was a politician after all, but this felt genuine. Her gut told her that this man meant what he said._

"_I'm not going anywhere, sweet baby. Not if we decide to tell people today or a year from now. Nothing is going to change how I feel about you, so I don't care how many pictures or rumors or stories are told. I love you. That's all I know."_

_Olivia pulled him back towards her body and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you, too. So much that it scares me. You have so much power over me and it's very scary. Please don't break my heart."_

"_Never," Fitz said before he lowered his mouth to hers once more. They slowly swayed together in the middle of the room: pulling, taking, and tasting one another. Olivia ran her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck, one of her favorite places to linger._

_He slowly started to move her towards the large, empty bed. He lowered her to the plush down comforter and spent the next several hours non-verbally showing his love for her, the outside world completely forgotten._

0o0o0

**August 2012**

Fitz waited for a response.

An hour. Two hours.

Two days.

One and a half weeks.

Nearly a full month.

didn't respond to his text. He wasn't surprised, but he was more hurt that he probably should have been. He'd called her, but hung up before her answering machine could pick up. Nothing he tried was getting through to her. He could not; he would not believe they couldn't make it work. Not after everything they'd been through to be together in the first place.

His buzzing cell phone pulled him from his ennui and sent him scrambling to get it just in case it was her...

He sighed and nearly hit ignore when he saw the name flashing across the screen, but thought better of it as he knew she would not stop calling until they spoke.

"What is it, Mellie?"

"Well, hello to you, too Fitzgerald. Did I catch you at a bad time? Entertaining some young new thing?"

"Did you call to insult and berate me or for something specific?"

"I called to invite you to the Hamptons for your daughter's engagement party. It's the end of next week. I'm sorry for the short notice, but I've been so busy getting everything together."

Fitz was silent for a moment. Karen was getting married? His baby girl was getting married and this was how he found out about it?

"Fitz? Fitzgerald!"

"I'm here, Mellie. I didn't know Karen was getting married. I didn't even know she was seeing anyone."

"Well, now you do. The party is on the 31st and it's a black and white party. Feel free to bring a guest if you'd like, just make sure she's age appropriate. Oh, and do try to be on your best behavior when you see Olivia. Your daughter insisted she be there."

"Olivia's going?"

Mellie scoffed and Fitz was sure she was rolling her eyes. "The 31st at eight o'clock," she said and hung up the phone.

Fitz had two relationships to try and salvage, maybe this occasion would give him the perfect opportunity.

0o0o0

"Shouldn't you be helping your mother with your party set up?"

Karen blithely waved a hand in Olivia's direction as she looked through the outfits laid out on the bed. Olivia arrived late Friday from the city and was taking the opportunity to catch up with Karen before the madness that would be what was turning into an engagement weekend instead of a party.

"Mom's in party mode right now and Mason's out playing golf with Jer. There's no way I can deal with her by myself when she gets this way. Besides, that's why she has an assistant. I'm just supposed to show up and smile and say how grateful I am for the $500 bowl that I won't be taking back to England with me. Wear this one."

Karen held up a striking Victoria Beckham dress. It was a white, backless halter dress with black side panels. "You'll be the talk of the Hamptons in this dress."

"Great, that's exactly what I need."

"Oh, please, Liv. You're hot and you're still young. You can't stay hung up on my father forever."

"It hasn't been forever, Karen, it's been a few months. Any way, I don't want to talk about it. Today's your day and you should enjoy it."

"Nearly impossible, but I'll do my best. Mom invited nearly 100 people to the house. I don't know 100 people. I don't like 100 people. If I had it my way, we'd all be in a bar getting hammered and being rowdy. This is for mom's benefit, not mine."

"Well, you can still try to enjoy yourself. You're very fortunate to have all that you do. And your mother is your mother. She's never going to be anything different. The sooner you realize that, the easier it'll be."

Karen shrugged and set aside a strappy pair of Christian Louboutins for Olivia to wear with her dress. "I know you're right, it's just...dad used to be the buffer between the two of us and now..."

"He's only a call away. I still can't believe you haven't told him you're engaged."

Karen's phone rang interrupting her response. "Hey babe. Okay, I can do that. Please don't be late though, I really don't want to hear it from mom. Love you, too."

Karen hit end and turned to Liv. "Feel like taking a trip to Long Island with me to pick up Mason's parents from the airport?"

Olivia laughed and vehemently shook her head. "No dice. I think I'll go relax on the beach for a while."

"Ugh, fine." Karen moved into Olivia's space and gave her a long hug. "I can't tell you how grateful I am you're here. It means a lot."

"Of course, Kare, anything for you."

0o0o0

Extravagant was an ill-fitting adjective for the type of party Mellie Grant née Rothschild threw for her only daughter.

Every inch of the house out to the sailcloth tent was 100 percent perfect and 100 percent Mellie. Professional photos of the happy couple greeted Olivia as soon as she walked into the house. A table in the foyer was already stacked three rows deep with gifts, the majority of which looked like incredibly overpriced bottles of the finest champagne that could be found for the daughter of a socialite and the fiancé of an Earl.

"Hello, Olivia."

Olivia took a deep breath and turned towards Mellie. She looked every bit the East Hampton socialite: a fitted Ralph Lauren dress, stylish Manolo Blahnik's, and a flawless chignon.

"Hello, Mellie. You look lovely, and the house looks incredible."

"Thank you."

An awkward silence passed between the two as they stared not sure what to say to one another. They weren't exactly friends, nor were they really enemies. Sure, they had a husband in common, but Mellie didn't truly blame Olivia for what happened. That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"I hope you're well. I'm glad you could make it. Karen tells me you're living in the city."

"Thank you, yes, I am."

"Good."

A beat passed. Then two before Olivia finally broke the silence.

"I know it's awkward to have me in your home. I do appreciate you allowing me to be here, for Karen's sake."

Mellie gave a wistful smile. "My daughter is very taken with you. She was insistent you were invited and it's her day, so I couldn't say no."

"Well, thank you. It's your home and I know I'm not your favorite person. It's very...admirable of you."

Mellie waved a hand and shrugged. "Fitz and I..." she trailed off, staring out of the large bay windows at the back of the house. "Fitz and I had a lot of issues before you came along. You just pointed them out is all. And then you fell in love with my husband. I can't really fault you, it was easy to do."

Olivia stared at Mellie and wondered about the woman who stood before her. She hadn't really given Mellie more than a cursory thought during her time with Fitz. She was a presence in their lives because of the kids, but she was never a constant one. Mellie Grant was a force to be reckoned with though.

"Any way, the past is the past, right? We've both learned a lot in our relationships with Fitzgerald Grant, I think. Speaking of which, I'm surprised he isn't here yet."

Olivia's heart stuttered in her chest. "He's coming to this?"

Mellie cocked her head to the side and observed the usually together Olivia Pope in a state of near panic. "Of course. Karen may be behaving childishly, but he is her father. Whatever my own personal feelings may be, he deserves to be here. Don't you think?"

"Of course. Would you excuse me?"

Olivia moved quickly towards the bar at the back of the room. Fitz was going to be there. They were going to be in the same room for the first time in months. She looked at his text message every day. She stared at her phone as it rang and his name scrolled across her phone. She wasn't prepared. She was not ready to face off with Fitzgerald Grant. She knew her resolve was weak and he was relentless.

Olivia stood in the short line waiting for the bartender to pour her three fingers of whatever was liquor was closest to him.

"Liv!"

Olivia turned to see a harried Karen walking in her direction. Mason a few steps behind her.

"I'm so sorry! I swear I didn't know, mom just told me. I didn't know he was going to be here."

"Karen," Olivia said touching her arms lightly and trying to stop the young woman from having a full on panic attack. "This is not Armageddon. He's your father and he should be here. I'm an adult; I'll be fine. Okay?"

Mason came up and placed an arm around Karen's waist. He looked over her shoulder at Olivia and mouthed 'thank you.' Olivia nodded, turned to the bar and picked up two glasses of champagne. She passed Karen and Mason a glass each before turning back to the bartender for a whiskey neat.

"He's going to hate me," Karen said sullenly. She tipped the champagne glass to her mouth and emptied its contents in one go. She placed the glass back on the bar and quickly grabbed another.

"Easy, my love," Mason said gingerly taking the glass from her hand. "He's not going to hate you. He's your father. He loves you."

"Seems like a smart man, Karen. You've done well."

Olivia's heart stuttered in her chest at the sound of his voice. Olivia slowly turned to face him and was instantly struck with how good he looked and how much she'd missed seeing his face everyday.

"Hello Karen. Hello Livi."


	4. Tangled Up With You

_Tangled Up With You_

_October 2007_

_"Don't wear that tie, it's too distracting."_

_Fitz turned to see Olivia standing with a standard, deep red tie in her hand. She motioned for him to remove the polka dotted one he'd chosen. _

_"I picked this out myself."_

_"And it was a lovely gesture, but polka dots are distracting on TV. Just trust me."_

_Olivia took the initiative to walk over to him and unknotted the tie that was around this neck, slinging it over one shoulder. She gingerly lifted his collar and looped the deep red tie around his neck. Fitz silently watched her work. He loved every little detail of her face as she set about a task: he loved the gentle curl of her lips, the slight color that entered her cheeks as she realized he was watching her, and the way she titled her head to the side that somehow managed to make her look innocent and young. _

_"There you go, Governor," she said as she gently smooth down his tie. "Are you all set with your talking points? The Vice President is fifteen minutes out."_

_The Vice Presidential debate was taking place at The University of Georgia in Athens and the crowd was a mixture of the student body and Athens localss. The sitting Democratic President and Vice President were extremely popular, even in the southern states, but especially in Georgia as the President himself hailed from Macon. _

_"Yes, Ms. Pope. I have them. Thank you for your concern."_

_Olivia raised one elegant eyebrow at Fitz's somewhat flippant tone. "What's the matter, Governor?"_

_"You calling me Governor."_

_"I call you Governor all the time. What would you like me to call you instead?" _

_"Same thing you call me when we're in bed together."_

_Olivia quickly looked around them to insure that there were no Langston/Grant workers nearby. _

_"We are in a public place, Governor. And you're filing for divorce from your wife of nearly twenty years. You would think perhaps you'd be just a little cautious in public. Your name is going to be appearing on a ballot in November."_

_Fitz scoffed lightly. "As a tag along, not as the President. People don't care what I do."_

_"I think you'll find that to be untrue if you have any more scandals arise, Governor."_

_"God damn it, Olivia, that's enough," he said roughly. He turned towards the curtains that separated them from their audience and took a deep breath. He tensed slightly when he felt a gentle hand on his back. _

_"What's wrong, Fitz?"_

_He took another deep breath before he turned towards Olivia again. "I don't want this." _

_Olivia's eyes grew wide. "What this?"_

_Fitz cocked his head to the side and observed her for a moment. He slowly watched her hackles rise and her face become an unreadable mask. "To be a Vice President. What did you think I meant?"_

_"I don't know; that's why I asked."_

_"Did you think I was talking about us?"_

_"What us?"_

_Fitz felt his anger building again, but knew he didn't have the time to go fifteen rounds with her again. _

_"Governor Grant, we're on in five. Will you please follow me to take your spot at the side of the stage?" The stage manager interrupted further inciting Fitz's anger. He turned from Olivia and followed the stage manager, his entire body radiating and angry heat. _

_0o0o0_

_"How'd he lose this debate? The Vice President makes Dan Quayle look like a Mensa candidate. What the hell happened before he went on stage, Liv?"_

_The debate had gone terribly wrong from almost the first moment. Fitz had appeared listless, then irritated, then annoyed and finally resigned to the fact that he was where he was at that moment in time. _

_"I don't know, Cy. He's been very short lately; I can only assume it's as a result of the divorce proceedings."_

_"He needs to get his fucking act together otherwise why the hell are we still here?"_

_Olivia lifted both hands in surrender and told Cyrus she would handle it. Olivia impatiently waited for the elevator to take her to their floor. Fitz claimed he wasn't feeling well and hasn't come down to the war room. No one questioned or pushed figuring he needed time to lick his wounds. _

_Olivia knocked on the door: once, twice. The third time she had to knock she decided to use her oft-used room key instead of waiting. _

_She heard the shower running when she entered the room, so she was satisfied that he wasn't just avoiding her as he had after the debates. He was so angry and she knew it was partially because of her, but he'd been ticking for a while. _

_Olivia sat at the small desk in the corner of the room. His laptop was open and an email conversation was up. Olivia immediately turned from the screen not wishing to invade his privacy, but was extremely curious. Karen's name had been at the top of the conversation. _

_While the shower was still running, Olivia turned back towards the screen and read Karen's part of the conversation. She continued to scroll through the ten part conversation between father and daughter and her heart grew heavy as she did. No wonder Fitz was so on edge. _

_The shower shut off and Olivia quickly moved from the desk to the end of the bed. Fitz emerged from the bathroom with a towel slung low around his waist and one hanging carelessly off his shoulder. _

_He didn't acknowledge her as he moved to the chest of drawers to pull out a pair of boxers and clean undershirt. _

_"Are you going to pretend I'm not here?"_

_Fitz turned towards her, his face blank of expression. He dropped the towel and pulled on his boxers not turning from Olivia. He whipped his white undershirt over his damp curls and looked at her in a way he never had before. _

_He threw his hands up in defeat. "You're doing a fine job pretending like there's nothing between us, so why does it matter if I acknowledge you being here or not."_

_"I'm not pretending-"_

_"I seem to remember," Fitz interrupted as he moved over the closet to pick a shirt and pair of slacks. "I seem to remember you saying that you loved me. I must have hallucinated that. Or what it just because we were fucking? You just got caught up in the moment?"_

_Olivia felt like she'd been sucker punched. "You're acting like an asshole."_

_Fitz shrugged. "You obviously don't think there's something real going on between us so what more is there beyond sex? Is that why you came up here? Did you want a fast fuck before going back to being the perfect fixer?"_

_"What the hell is your problem, Fitz? I know you're angry with me, but you're taking this too far. I am not your enemy. I am your friend and I care very much about you."_

_"You care about your friend? That's nice. I don't want to be your friend."_

_"I think you need one right now."_

_"No. I need the woman who said she loved me. That's what I need." _

_"I'm right here. But I'm not going to let your jeopardize your chance at the national stage and I'm not going to let you speak to me like you have been. I want to be your friend. I want to be someone you can talk to. I get that you're upset about what I said, but that doesn't give you the right to speak to me this way."_

_Olivia got up from the bed and started to move towards the door, but was stopped by two strong arms wrapped around her waist. Fitz buried his face in her neck and she felt wetness on her shoulder. _

_Olivia quickly turned in his embrace and was stricken by the heartbreak that was written across his face. _

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm...I'm upset with you, but I'm..."_

_"Sit down," Olivia commanded, moving him to the edge of the bed. "What's wrong?"_

_"Karen. My daughter hates me. She's so angry with me."_

_Olivia's heart hurt for him. As a daddy's girl herself, she knew what an important relationship it was. _

_"She's just hurt, Fitz. She doesn't hate you."_

_Fitz looked up at her and then over to his computer. Olivia flushed slightly as she realized he'd put two and two together. _

_"I should be annoyed, but I'm glad you know. You read it, how can you say she's just upset? She told me he doesn't ever want to speak to me again. My daughter. My baby girl-" _

_Fitz's voice broke and he set his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as he began to cry. Olivia sat beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. _

_"I don't want to be in this campaign anymore, Olivia. I just want to go out to the ranch with you by my side until we grow old and senile. I just want my daughter to be able to look at me without the utter disdain she does now. It's not the same as when she was young and she was mad for an hour or even a few days. She's not taking any of my calls. Mellie could care less and Jerry has no clue what's going on. He's too busy in law school. How'd everything get so messed up?"_

_Olivia lightly rubbed his back and listened as he talked about the rift that was growing between him and Karen._

_"Does she still call you?" Fitz asked, his eyes rimmed in red._

_Olivia nodded and gave a sad sort of half smile. _

_"That's good, at least I know she's okay."_

_"Fitz, I didn't know that she wasn't talking to you. Do you want me to stop taking her calls, or..."_

_"No!" he shouted quickly. "Please don't. Just...tell me how she is every now and then."_

_"I can do that."_

_Fitz and Olivia sat quietly for a while. Olivia lent quiet comfort and love until their presence was required for an evening rally in Hiram, Georgia._

_"How do I look?" Fitz asked standing with his arms outstretched waiting for Olivia's final inspection._

_Olivia smiled and walked over to him. She gently pulled on his shirt to bring him down to her level. She kissed him soundly, not letting go until she wordlessly convinced him that she was in this as much as he was._

_Once they parted, he gently trailed a hand down the side of her face and gave her a genuine smile. _

_"Let's go."_

0o0o0

**August 2012**

The silence was suffocating.

Fitz's gaze moved between Olivia and Karen waiting for either to acknowledge his presence. Olivia refused to meet his gaze and Karen looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

Mason, as the only one in the group without too many pre-conceived notions about, Fitzgerald Grant walked forward with all the good English breeding he possessed. He held out his hand to the man and gave his most charming smile.

"Dr. Grant, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Mason Spencer, Karen's fiancé. Would you like to accompany me to the bar for a drink?"

Fitz eyed Olivia and Karen briefly before turning back towards Mason and following him to the bar.

Karen released a deep sigh and slumped slightly. "Mason is so getting laid tonight."

"Karen."

She shrugged and turned towards Olivia. "What? That man is fantastic. Where are you going?"

Olivia drained her glass quickly and handed the empty highball tumbler to Karen. "Outside. It's a beautiful evening."

"You're such a coward leaving me here to deal with him on my own."

"You won't be on your own, you'll have Mason. Besides, you need to talk to him. He came all this way for you, not me."

Karen rolled her eyes. "Unlikely, but okay." She turned towards the bar and took a deep breath before moving in her father and her fiancée's direction.

Olivia bolted to the outdoor tent as quickly as her Louboutins would allow. It was the type of day and party people in the Hampton's were accustomed to. The dance floor beneath the sailcloth tent was filled with people gliding across it to the big jazz band.

Olivia fought to keep her memories at bay from her and Fitz's wedding. The sea of black and white before her brought back memories of slow dancing to a similar jazz band with Fitz: she in a perfect white gown and Fitz in the best fitting tux ever seen.

"Champagne, ma'am?" A passing waiter asked holding the tray before him.

Olivia smiled and nodded taking a glass of the fizzy rose-colored drink. She wandered through the crowd for a bit, stopping here and there to make small talk with some familiar faces. She'd stayed away from East Hampton for most of the "season" not being able to bear the big empty house on the beach.

As she reached for her third class of champagne, she turned back towards the house to see Fitz and Karen silhouetted in the doorway and Mason walking in her direction. He had a broad smile on his face and extended a hand towards her.

"Would you like a dance, Olivia?"

Olivia smirked and drained her champagne glass, set it on an unoccupied space at a nearby table, and put her hand in his. With a flourish he pulled her out to the floor and caused Olivia to let out an uncharacteristic bought of girlish laughter.

"What has you so happy?"

"I'm marrying an incredible woman. I'm a very lucky man. That's reason enough to be happy."

Olivia tilted her head and observed his earnestness. "You're a good man, Mason. Take care of her."

Mason dipped Olivia suddenly causing another bout of laughter. "I plan to do just that, Olivia. For as long as she lets me."

Olivia let Mason spin her around for the floor for a bit, enjoying his wry, English sense of humor. He was wickedly funny and disturbingly observant.

"Karen and her father are headed this way," he said softly as they danced to _In the Still of the Night. _"Did you want scamper off again? Dr. Grant looks awfully determined."

Olivia took a deep breath and shook her head. She knew running from Fitz would be pointless, and at this particular event, cause embarrassment to Karen, which was the last thing Olivia wanted.

"Mind if I cut in?"

Fitz loomed over Mason's shoulder with a determined look on his face. Karen stood wearily beside her father, a sheepish expression clouding her own visage.

Olivia wasn't given a chance to respond as Mason regally kissed the back of her hand and scooped his fiancée into his arms before she could utter a word of protest.

The band began to play _You Go to My Head_ as Fitz and Olivia stared at one another on the dance floor. Neither said a word as Fitz held out his hand to her. Olivia hesitated for a moment, but then gingerly placed her hand in his.

Light and heat shot through her entire body making her shudder. It'd been a long time since she was this close to him.

Fitz placed a warm hand on her hip and pulled her in close to his body; there was hardly any space between them. Olivia's breath grew ragged from both his proximity and her desire to be anywhere else in that particular moment.

She could feel Fitz's gaze, but refused to meet his eyes choosing instead to look around at the other dancing couples. Her eyes met Karen's worried ones for a moment before giving a brief smile and a quick nod to let her know she was okay.

"Are you going to spend this dance ignoring me?" Fitz questioned softly.

Olivia sighed but didn't reply. She moved her gaze to over his shoulder to see Mellie and Jerry dancing. She smiled as Jerry tossed her a wink.

"My kids are much happier to see you than me. Karen seems happy. And Mason seems like a good guy, what little I know of him. Did you know that his aunt was the late Princess Diana?"

Olivia allowed herself to be lulled by his voice. It was even and unhurried, the same voice that used to greet her every morning and put her to sleep every evening.

"Look at me."

Olivia shut her eyes to keep herself from doing just that. She felt him slowing down as the song drew to a close and prayed she'd be able to make her escape.

"Look at me. I'm not letting you go until you do," he said, his voice breaking slightly.

"Let's not make a scene, Fitzgerald. This is your daughter's engagement party."

"Then if you care about Karen, don't make a scene and look at me."

Olivia gritted her teeth and looked up at Fitz. His soulful blue-gray eyes looked heavy. There were more lines around his eyes than she remembered. He looked like he hadn't slept in a very long time, and his eyes looked much too sad, but he was still unbelievably handsome to her.

Fitz moved the hand that gripped her waist slowly up her body. He gentle brushed aside a wayward strand of hair and glided his finger over her cheekbone to her bottom lip and back up again.

"I miss you so much. I love you, so much."

"Stop it."

"No. You need to know. I love you. I can't stop loving you. And, I'm not going to give up on getting you to know that again."

"This is neither the time, nor the place to discuss this."

"When can we?"

"Never. I have nothing left to say to you, Fitz."

"Good, that means you can shut and listen."

Olivia opened her to reply, but paused as Jerry and Mellie sidled up next to them.

"Fitzgerald," Mellie began at once. "Need I remind you I asked you to do one thing for this party." Mellie turned to Olivia and gave her a terse smile. "You don't mind if I cut in, do you?"

"No." Olivia replied.

Jerry smiled and led Olivia off the dance floor towards the bar. He smoothly ordered two whiskey neat's and handed one to Olivia.

Olivia took a healthy sip of her drink. She was entering that perfect place between tipsy and drunk. "How's married life, Jer?"

"Fantastic. So happy I didn't have to put on this horse and pony show though. I'm proud of Karen for taking one for the team."

"Hmm... I don't think your mother will ever forgive you for eloping and gypping her out of throwing a party."

"Look at this, Liv. It's not a party; it's a circus. This isn't the least bit me. Or Karen, but Karen is marrying an Earl. There's no way she'd be allowed to elope."

The band finished playing their song and announced they would be taking a fifteen-minute break. Olivia drained the rest of her glass and pulled Jerry close for a kiss on the cheek.

"Take care, Jerry. Give Megan my best."

"You're going? The night it still young, and you haven't even dance with me. There's tennis and brunch in the morning. Will you be there?"

"Rain check on the dance and tennis? I'm probably going to head back to the city in the morning."

"Liv come on, please don't go. Karen will be crushed and I never get to see you. Please?"

"What is it with you Grants?"

Jerry smirked. "We're irresistible."

"Fine, I'll stay for brunch and tennis, but I am going to go now. I'll see you in the morning."

0o0o0

Olivia kicked off her heels and took her time walking the beach between the Rothschild mini mansion and her modest by comparison beach house.

Dingy darkness surrounded her, but the crashing of the waves was calming for Olivia's currently frazzled state of mind.

She replayed his words again and again in her head. How dare he show up and try to wreck all the work she'd done in trying to shield her heart from him.

She made it up the stairs towards the back of the house and her favorite swinging chair. The house didn't have the same kind of feeling as it did years ago when she and Fitz first purchased it. It'd been their hope to fill it mini-versions of themselves, family, and friends on the weekends and holidays. It was meant to be their respite.

"So many things gone."

"Still your favorite place, I see."

Olivia shook her head wearily. Of course he found her. Of course he was here invading her privacy and her mind and heart.

"Go home, Fitz."

"This is my home."

"It was your home. Now it's my home."

Fitz shoved his hands in his pockets and walked the rest of the way up the stairs to where the swing sat idling.

"We had something real, you and I."

"Did we?"

Fitz swallowed and his jaw tightened. "You can be as angry with me as you'd like to be, but that doesn't change what we had. I've never stopped loving you."

Olivia stood up to walk into the house, but was stopped by Fitz in her path. "Stop, Fitz. Enough is enough. We were destroying one another. You may have loved me, but you didn't love me enough not cheat. You didn't love me enough not to stop working long hours with your paralegal who couldn't wait to get in your pants. You didn't love me enough to have an actual conversation about adopting once we couldn't—"

Olivia took a deep breath and look out towards the raging sea. The air was charged and the pressure started to drop. A storm was coming. How appropriate.

"Like I said, what more do we possibly have to say to one another. What more can we possibly have to talk about?"

Fitz crowded her space, took her face firmly between his hands and kissed her. Olivia struggled initially, but soon the feeling of familiarity and warmth and completeness took hold of all her good sense.

Fitz moved his hands around her waist and pulled her into him. He slanted his lips over hers relishing the feel of her plump, soft lips against his own. He slid his tongue across her lips until she opened her mouth and let him in.

They stood for a while taking one another in, barely separating except when air was absolutely necessary.

Fitz pulled back and traced kisses along her jaw, down her neck and to the top of her décolletage.

"Invite me in."

Olivia shook her head and tried to pull away from him, but he wasn't about to let her go and let this go.

"Invite me in."

Olivia looked up into his determined face and felt her heart beating triple time. There was no turning back from this if they went there.

"Okay."

* * *

I do not own any of the songs mentioned in this chapter, including the chapter title or Scandal.


	5. Lovesong pt 1

_Lovesong pt.1_

**August 2012**

A splitting headache coupled with the sun streaming through the plantation shutters greeted Olivia as she woke the next morning. She rolled away from the entirely too bright sun and pulled the covers tighter around her. Her body ached and her stomach roiled from the too sudden movements.

The scents of fresh brewed coffee and bacon wafted through the air, which meant that Fitz was still there and apparently making breakfast. She rolled over again and buried her face in the pillow, his pillow; the pillow where he'd spent the night.

She screamed into the pillow, kicking her feet against the mattress for good measure. Was she really so weak that this man who'd nearly destroyed her was able to completely override any and all resolve she had?

_As soon as they walked into the house, Fitz's lips found hers again. This time, however, the kiss was slow, thorough, and totally familiar. Like slipping on a well-worn pair of jeans that fit just right. His fingers brushed the top of her décolletage and caused tiny bits of electricity to run everywhere he touched. _

_Her stomach was tight in anticipation, she wanted more. How? When just moments ago she wanted to be far away from him. That wasn't true, and she knew it, but it sounded like she'd at least attempted. _

_He held her away from his body, taking time in tasting her mouth and nipping at her full lips. Olivia moved to step in closer, but as she moved, he moved. It was infuriating and clever, and he knew that. _

_With staggered breaths, he released her mouth and trailed kisses down her chin until he reached the hollow of her neck. He bit and sucked alternatively. He knew her. He knew all of her spots, all the places that drove her wild and threw her off kilter. _

_She equally loved and hated that fact. _

_She allowed her fingers to move through the curls at the nape of his neck while his hands made short work of unbuckling the halter of her dress. Once her strapless balconette was exposed, he lowered his head and let his lips and tongue travel along the tops of her perky mounds._

_"Tell me to stop now, Olivia. Tell me you don't want this." _

_Olivia trembled in his grasp and shook her head. She couldn't push him away, not when her body was yearning to feel what she hadn't felt in many, many months. _

_"No."_

_"Tell me you want me."_

_"No," Olivia shook her head and reached up to pull his face back to hers. She kissed him soundly before moving her lips along his jaw. "No, talking."_

_She pulled back and grabbed his hand leading the way down the darkened hallway to the bedroom. The storm had finally made its way to shore and lightning lit their faces as they undressed, the rumbles of thunder adding to her unsteadiness. _

_"Olivia, stop."_

_She ignored his plea and pushed him down to the edge of the bed. She pulled up the hem of her dress and straddled his legs. She reclaimed his lips and sent her fingers through his hair once more._

_"Are you drunk?" Fitz struggled to get out as she tormented his lips with her teeth. Fitz grabbed her head between his hands and held her away._

_"Olivia, stop. Tell me this is what you want, or this isn't going any farther."_

_Olivia struggled for a moment in his grasp, but relaxed as he ran his thumbs along the apples of her cheeks._

"_Fitz, please."_

"_Not until you tell me what I need to hear. Do you want me? Do you want this?"_

"_Why do you need to hear the words? Can't you tell what I want?"_

_Fitz shook his head and held her gaze in his. "I need to know that this is real."_

_Olivia moved her hands to his biceps and pulled her body closer to his allowing him to feel her heat and her to feel his hard length against her dampened center. _

"_Feels pretty real to me."_

_Fitz let go of her face and moved gently moved her from his body. He stood beside the bed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. _

_Olivia looked up at him from her sprawled location on the bed—part in wonder part in fear. _

"_Do you not want me?" she asked in a small voice he'd never heard her use._

"_I want you every moment of every day with every breath I have, but we've screwed this up enough. You and I have definitely screwed this up and I'm not willing to take a chance on the face that you'll regret this in the morning. So, until you can tell me that you want this, and me, and not as a sometimes thing, then I'm not taking you to bed."_

"_I want you to make love to me."_

"_For how long?"_

_Olivia stood on trembling legs and walked over to him. "For tonight."_

_He gave her a sad smile and shook his head. "One night's not enough." He bent and kissed her lightly, gently._

_She grabbed his shirt tightly as he broke the kiss knowing he would try to move away. "Don't go. Please. I can't give you what you want, but please don't leave tonight."_

Olivia stared up at the ceiling as her head continued to pound.

He'd stayed and they'd slept. He hadn't tried to do anything else; he hadn't kissed her again. She was annoyed at first and horny, but in the very bright light of day, she was glad she hadn't.

She'd spend the last four months convincing herself she was better off without him. It would have been a colossal mistake to jump into bed with him again as if they'd merely been apart for a few days and not divorced for four months.

"Are you hungry?" his voice rang out from the doorway startling her slightly from her reminiscence.

She turned to see him standing in his boxers and undershirt with a tray laden with orange juice, toast, eggs, bacon and green for her, coffee for him.

She nodded and sat up in bed. He placed the bed tray over her legs and perched on the edge of the bed beside her. He picked up the glass of orange juice and two small blue pills handing them to her.

"I figured you'd probably need these."

Olivia smiled gratefully and greedily took the pills and juice from his hand.

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, the scrapes of forks and knives the only sounds filling their once comfortable space.

"Thank you for this," Olivia said not looking up at him. "And, I'm sorry about last night, I shouldn't have—I'm just sorry."

Fitz's fork paused on the way to his mouth. He shrugged, but she didn't see, before he spoke. "You were drunk."

"I wasn't that drunk."

"You weren't sober."

"True. Thank you for staying. You didn't have to do that either."

"You asked me to stay."

"I know."

"So why wouldn't I? I love you."

"Don't do this. Can we not do this? Let's just enjoy our breakfast and go to this tennis game."

Fitz set his fork down and it rattled against the bone china plate. "I love you. I don't care if you don't like hearing it. I don't care that you'd rather not hear it. It's the truth and it always will be."

"You and I are through, Fitz. It's over. We gave it our best shot."

"We did not give it our best shot. You gave up. You gave up on us as soon as things got a little hard."

Olivia moved the tray from between them so she could put some distance between them. As soon as she did, however, Fitz moved with her, crowding her space.

"I tried! I tried to make it work. Tried to look past you not coming home some nights. Tried to forgive you for sleeping with Amanda. I was willing to let some shrink mess around in our lives and try to fix us. Try to fix what you broke."

"You stopped talking to me! You stopped being in this marriage."

"So that made it okay to screw someone else?" Olivia yelled.

"No, it didn't. I made a mistake. I know that. I tried to make it right, I tried to earn your trust, but you were so unwilling to give a little. You shut me out, Liv."

"What did you expect me to do? Run back into your arms? I was a fool to think a relationship that started with infidelity would find a 'happily ever after.' I was a fool to think I would somehow be the exception not the rule."

A loud knock at the front door echoed through the house. Olivia started to turn and make her way towards the door when Fitz caught her elbow, halting her exit.

"This isn't over," he leaned over and said softly into her ear, his voice deceptively calm. "We will talk about this, you and I."

Olivia turned to look at him, sadness radiating through her entire being. "I'm done going round and round with you about this, Fitz. Just let it go please."

"You're asking me to do something I just can't do.

Every time she was around Fitz she felt like Sisyphus. No matter how hard she tried, every attempt at getting this man out of her mind and heart was futile.

Olivia crossed the open floor space and answered the door to find a smirking Jerry on the other side.

"Good, you're still here. I was worried you'd bailed on me and left without saying goodbye."

"I'd never do that to you, Jerry."

"Well, you sort of missed brunch, so I just assumed, but there's always still tennis."

Olivia's stomach roiled at the thought of running around the court in the late August heat, but she put on the best smile that she could muster. "Can't wait."

Jerry cocked his head to the side. "You're a terrible liar and if you feel anything like I feel this morning, you'd rather sit and watch than participate. You should see Karen; she's in worse shape than either of us. Mom was furious with her last night, but what could you expect?"

"Karen got drunk?"

"Karen got beyond drunk," Jerry replied stepping into the house, sniffing at the air like a hound. "Is there still bacon left?"

Olivia laughed and shrugged. "Check the kitchen, Jer."

Jerry took off across the house and stopped in the doorway of the kitchen when he saw his father.

"Dad."

Fitz gave a small smile a nodded at a plate at the end of the counter. "Plenty of bacon left. You want some eggs? I can fix you some if you'd like."

Jerry shook his head. "I thought you'd left."

"No. Your mother invited me for the weekend. So here I am."

"At Olivia's?"

"Yes," Fitz responded with a tone and finality that made Jerry leery to say anything more.

Jerry nodded awkwardly, but sat down at the breakfast bar unwilling to let good food go to waste.


	6. Lovesong pt 2

_Lovesong pt. 2_

_**However far away, I will always love you**_

_**However long I stay, I will always love you**_

_**Whatever words I say, I will always love you**_

_**I will always love you**_

_June 2011_

_"Happy Anniversary, baby."_

_Fitz's eyes took a moment to adjust to the candle-lit room as he walked into his house. His usually demure wife wore something that made him stop in his tracks, as he was not quite sure if it was a designer gown or a designer negligee. She held two champagne glasses of fizzy rose-colored drink in her hands, her hair was straight and framed her face making her look like a smoldering, ethereal goddess. _

_The dress was a long, cream colored lace and silk amalgamation that left very little to the imagination, but could have easily been seen at any red carpet Hollywood event. _

_His body reacted immediately, as it usually did in her presence. _

_"Happy Anniversary, sweet baby. What'd I do to deserve this?"_

_Olivia smirked and slowly made her way over to him. She perched on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss._

"_Thank you for my flowers. They were beautiful. Made Abby & Quinn very jealous."_

_Fitz set down his briefcase and shrugged out of his suit jacket. He leaned over her and took her lips greedily, so happy that this woman was his. _

"_You taste amazing, Mrs. Grant."_

"_Must be the drink."_

"_No," Fitz shook his head. "That's all you, baby."_

_Olivia handed him a glass and turned towards the dining room leaving him trailing behind her swaying derriere. _

_Fitz took a sip of his drink and took in the ambiance of the dining room and the table full of Chinese food. It was his comfort, and since Olivia liked Bordeaux and popcorn, there wasn't much cooking done in their fabulous gourmet kitchen, just decadent desserts. _

_Olivia handed him a small, rectangular box. "I hope you like it."_

_Fitz smiled and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a similarly shaped box and handing it to her. "I know I'll love whatever it is, because I love you. And you're a really good gift giver."_

_Fitz tore the silver paper from the box, lifted the lid. A folded piece of paper lay in the box. He lifted an eyebrow as he grabbed the paper, setting the box down on the table. His eyes quickly scanned the paper, then shot up to meet hers, a look of absolute wonder crossing his features. _

_"Is this...you're really...?"_

_Olivia nodded and gave a watery smile. "We're gonna have a baby."_

_Fitz let out a mighty whoop, invaded her space, and lifted her clear off the ground. Olivia laughed and told him to put her down, which he did after a long moment. He attached his lips to hers and kissed her with all the fire and passion he possessed. _

_It had been a long, grueling process. Two years, $50,000, and a lot of heartbreak had finally paid off. The treatments were wearing and the constant disappointment was putting a strain on their life. Each time they made love was less and less about pleasure and more and more about the best position for conception and optimal body temperature. _

_Tears came to Fitz's eyes as he wrapped his arms tightly around Olivia. "How are you feeling? Any sickness? Do you need to sit down? You shouldn't be drinking!"_

_"Easy killer," Olivia laughed. "It's sparkling cider and I've had some sickness, but I feel great now and I love you for worrying so much. Now, can I open my gift?"_

_Fitz kissed her deeply again and moved to sit at one of the high back chairs at their dining room table. He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his hands around her abdomen, lightly rubbing circles over where their future child was gestating. _

_"You may. It's not nearly as incredible as my gift."_

_"That was only part one of your gift, baby. Just you wait for part two."_

_"Does it involve you getting naked?"_

_"Most definitely."_

_Fitz groaned and lightly nipped at her shoulder, his dick growing hard beneath her. "Such a tease, Mrs. Grant."_

_"Not a tease if I intend to follow through."_

_Olivia ripped open the paper around the box. A box that must have been wrapped by his assistant as it was too precise to have been done by Fitz. He had zero patience for the niceties of gift decor. The thought of Fitz's assistant made her cringe in annoyance, but she quickly shrugged it off not wanting thoughts of that woman to ruin their anniversary._

_She opened the gold leaf embossed lid and sighed in contentment. A delicate gold watch with a black and gold face lay inside. She picked it up and Fitz turned it over in her hand. On the back was engraved, 'A love more than love, forever and always, Fitz.'_

_Tears sprang to her eyes as she threw her arms around his shoulders. "It's beautiful. Thank you. I love you, so much, Fitz."_

_"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that."_

_OFOFO_

_October 2011_

_Fitz walked into his home after a long, grueling day and was greeted with the sound of his wife screaming. He dropped his briefcase and coat and ran towards the sound of her voice, calling out to let her know he was there._

_He found her huddled on the kitchen floor, clutching at her tiny belly, a pool of blood surrounding her. She was a little over twenty-two weeks along and things had been going really well. They'd just told their families and friends their wonderful news, just started picking out colors for the nursery, and clearing out the extra bedroom._

_Fitz pulled out his cell and called 911 not letting go of Olivia in until the ambulance arrived. Her screams and tears would forever haunt his memories. _

_The trip in the ambulance to George Washington seemed to take too long for Fitz's comfort. The EMT did not want to risk giving her anything that would stimulate her or knock her out not knowing the severity of her condition, so her agonized screams pierced through ambulance at regular, heartbreaking intervals. _

_Once they arrived, she was swept into the ER surgery theatre and Fitz was left pacing the floor in the full waiting room. Fitz waited and waited until a doctor in a surgical cap came out to get him taking him in to see his wife. The doctor had a kind, baby like face, but his manner was brusque and straightforward once they reached the room where his wife was. _

_Fitz paused at the entrance of the hospital room. Olivia looked so small and lost. Her eyes were cold and dead, like she was looking at someone she'd never seen before. He moved across the room and sat beside her on the bed, grabbing her hand, hoping to hear something good, but knowing that the worst was probably awaiting them. She was utterly still, catatonic, her hand freezing in his._

"_What happened?" Fitz asked turning towards the doctor. He wasn't even sure the voice asking was his own. It didn't sound like him. It sounded distant as if coming through a bad phone connection._

"_Mrs. Grant's has a condition called 'incompetent uterus.' Basically that means that the pressure of the fetus causes the cervix to dilate prematurely and the body thinks it's in labor. It's not a very common condition, but it is something that we've seen here before. Your daughter's lungs and spine were too underdeveloped for her to survive labor. I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. and Mrs. Grant."_

_Olivia doubled over in the bed and sobbed. Her entire body was wracked with sobs that made Fitz break down and cry along with her. The doctor quietly slipped from the room leaving Fitz and Olivia to grieve together for the loss of their daughter. _

OFOFO

**September 2012**

"You kept it?"

After his improptu visit, and second breakfast, Jerry informed Liv and his father that the tennis game was in an hour before heading back to his mother's house. Neither Fitz nor Olivia wanted to play, but they were both perfectly aware of what happened when they got in the way of hurricane Mellie's plans.

Olivia looked over her shoulder at Fitz standing in the doorway. He was in a well fitted white tennis polo and white shorts. His curls were damp and unruly, making him look younger and relaxed. She turned back to the mirror and quickly clasped the watch.

"Of course I kept it. It's a $20,000 watch."

Angry color flooded Fitz's face and he he stared her reflection. He watched as she secured her curls in a low bun. She was dressed in solid tennis whites and she looked radiant.

"We were really happy that night."

"Had you already fucked Amanda by then, or did that come later?" Olivia asked her voice fierce and her gaze unwavering.

Fitz paused for a long moment, their eyes battling in the reflection of the mirror, neither willing to give an inch to the other.

"She's not to blame for what happened to us."

Olivia scoffed. "You're right. I think that rests on you."

"I wasn't the only one in our marriage."

"You're the only one who stepped out on our marriage."

"You stepped out, too!"

Olivia whirled around to face him. "I never cheated!"

"No, you just left. You cut and run. That's your _MO_. Things got tough, I fucked up, and I tried. I really tried and you just gave up. Weekends at your parents, nights out with your friends, you stopped talking to me. I was devastated, too. I wanted that baby Olivia so much. I was devastated, too."

"Not devastated enough to do the one thing that you knew would hurt me the most. And now she's giving you the baby that I couldn't. Congratulations."

Olivia stood and from the vanity and made to pass him, but he got in her way, taking bother of her arms in his hands.

"That's not my baby."

Olivi tried to free herself from his grasp, but he wouldn't let her go.

"Please," she said her voice cracking. "Haven't you had enough? Haven't you hurt enough? The only thing we're really good for is tearing one another apart. Aren't you tired of doing this over and over again?"

Fitz brought a hand to her face and gently brushed away the tears that she didn't know were falling.

"I feel like I waited my whole life for you. And now you just want me to walk away from that, from us? We were so good together. Stop trying to say that we weren't. We can fix this."

"We already tried that, remember?"

"Please, sweet baby?"

Olivia swore and pushed firmly against him breaking his grasp. "Don't call me that! That's how I knew. When she came to see me, all sugary sweetness and doe eyed and she said you called her sweet baby, that's how I knew. Please, just let me go so I can live my life and maybe be happy again without having you in every waking memory and seeing your face every time I close my eyes. Every single day I'm assaulted with memories that I can't get rid of because you're still there. Just let me go, please."

Fitz walked to her and held her head between his hands. He shook his head and wiped at her tears again. "You can't actually expect me to leave after that, can you?"

Olivia slumped slightly, her shoulders falling and her body unconciously seeking out his. He wrapped her in his embrace for several long moments, the plushness of her body against his own like coming home.

"Let's go. They're probably waiting for us."

Olivia looked up at him in wonder. It actually felt like they were getting somewhere, like they were finally getting to the heart of the matter.

"You want to leave now?"

Fitz nodded. "This was more effective than five months of therapy, but we're not done talking. We're actually talking to one another, and I don't want to go backwards. So, let's go play tennis and come back here later. I'll cook us dinner and we'll talk until we're sick of hearing our own voices."

Olivia shook her head and sighed. "I don't...I don't know."

"Come on Liv. Don't give up on us now. We're right there."


	7. I'd Rather Go Blind

_I'd Rather Go Blind_

_**Love is a universal migraine**_

_**A bright stain on the vision**_

_**Blotting out reason.**_

_**-Robert Graves**_

_June 2010_

"_We should have just eloped."_

"_It's your fault! Why do you know so many people?" Olivia called out through the en suite bathroom door._

_Fitz groaned, sitting down on the edge of the bed as he toed out of his Prada dress shoes. He pulled one side of his bowtie lose and let it hang around his neck while he made short work of removing his cufflinks._

"_You know, you could have changed out here," Fitz said amusedly. "I see you naked all the time."_

"_Well, if you want to see me naked tonight, you'll be patient and not come in here."_

_The weeks leading up to the wedding had been trying and tedious for Fitz and Olivia. Their wedding had taken nearly a year to plan. Invitations went out to 600 hundred people all descending into Santa Barbara, California and the Grant Family Ranch. It seemed like a fitting location, and honestly, one of the few with the requisite amount of space._

_The weather stayed Southern California perfect for their evening outdoor wedding ceremony. Luckily, being a former Governor of California allowed Fitz to pull some major strings and keep their wedding reasonably hushed up. Guests were bused to the ranch and their entrance to the party was through a large white tent that led out to the plush rows of seats facing the breathtaking landscape of the Grant Ranch._

_A few west coast socialites were overheard talking about how posh this second wedding of Fitzgerald Grant's was—and to a black woman at that. Most guests were just happy to score an invite to the social event of the year; and others, a very small group of the closest of friends and family, were genuinely there to wish the couple well._

"_Empty threats, Olivia," Fitz responded with a smirk. "You and I both know you'd never withhold your body from me. You need me too much."_

"_Are you sure that's not the other way around?"_

_Fitz looked up from his spot on the bed as he heard the door open and reveal Olivia, standing in the open archway, dim light outlining her form, provocatively draped in very tiny bits of lace and satin._

"_Wow."_

"_All that ivy league education really seems to be paying off, Fitz."_

_Fitz quickly crossed the short distance from the bed to the doorway and neatly swept her up into his arms. _

"_My apologies, Mrs. Grant, but my brain seems to have taken a short hiatus. You look stunning and in need of being ravished."_

_Olivia laughed heartily as Fitz set her gently in the middle of the plush Four Seasons bed. "Ravished? Have you been watching BBC alone again?"_

_Fitz smirked and lowered his lips to meet hers. "How are you this evening, Mrs. Grant?"_

_Olivia sat up on her elbows and shook her head. "Pride and Prejudice, Fitz? Really?"_

"_Hey, Mr. Darcy's got some moves, babe." _

"_Well," Olivia said moving her body flush against his and bringing her lips to his ear. "I think you've got plenty of moves I'd love to see, Mr. Grant."_

_Olivia rolled them over completely so that she was perched atop him, as if she were claiming her kingdom. Her fingers trailed down his shirt, leisurely undoing each button. Olivia licked her lips and brought them down to run over each new patch of skin she exposed. She quickly rid him of his shirt and moved to unbuckle his belt._

_Fitz watched and enjoyed as his wife of three hours moved down his body, her lace clad hips swaying enticingly. He relished the feel of her fingers and lips brushing over his hipbones as she unzipped his pants and gently pushed them down._

"_Are you just going to lie there, Mr. Grant, or are you going to help me?" Olivia asked in a mock serious tone._

"_I'm enjoying the view, Mrs. Grant."_

_Olivia crawled back up his frame and nestled her hips into his, leaning over to rain kisses over his neck. "I think you can do both. How about I make it worth your while?" _

_Olivia sat up and reached behind her and unlatched her bra, dragging it down her arms and brushing it against his chest where she dropped the tiny scrap of lace. _

_It was enough to propel Fitz to action. He sat up and toed out of his shoes and pushed his pants the rest of the way down legs as his lips and tongue plundered her mouth and took them over into their pleasure._

_0o0o0_

"_Do you ever feel guilty?" Olivia asked as she ran a finger up and down his damp neck. They were still naked basking in the after glow, wrapped tightly around one another._

"_About what?" Fitz replied, the edges of sleep starting to creep into his voice._

"_About how our relationship started. Do you ever...I don't know, worry?"_

_Fitz opened his eyes and turned to look at Olivia. Her hair had lost most of its curl and her neck was covered in a light sheen of sweat. He coveted this sight because he knew he'd never have to share it with anyone else._

"_Worry about what?"_

"_History repeating itself. You loved Mellie once, too. You loved her enough to marry her. Have kids with her. Do you ever worry that the same thing may happen to us? That we just might wake up one day and not feel the same way anymore?"_

_Fitz sat up quickly, fully alert now, and reached for the light on the bedside table. He pulled Olivia up with him and smoothed his hands through her hair._

"_I love you. I love you in a way I've never loved anything or anyone before. Yes, I loved Mellie. I cared for her a lot in the beginning. We were both determined to make something of ourselves apart from family expectations, but somewhere along the line we forgot to stop and care about another. We continued to grow as individuals and forgot about us. We thought kids would help, but they didn't. I'm not proud of the fact that I cheated, but I don't regret one moment I've spent with you. History is not going to repeat itself, because I can't imagine my life without you in it."_

_OFOFO_

_December 2010_

_The King & Spalding annual Christmas gala was well underway when Olivia and Fitz finally arrived._

_There'd been a mix up with the car service, a broken heel on a Jimmy Choo, a pointless, nasty fight and subsequent make-up sex that made them fashionably late to the party. Even though Olivia and Fitz were absolutely used to black-tie affairs, they both preferred to be at home rather than making small talk with people out for their own gain. _

"_Fitz! Olivia!" Cyrus boomed jovially, clearly feeling no pain as he was imbued with holiday spirits. "So good of you to finally make it. Liv, you look stunning as always." Cyrus noisily clapped Fitz on the back while he lovingly placed a kiss on Liv's cheek._

"_Drunk already, Cy? The party's only been going for an hour," Fitz said as he rubbed his shoulder. _

"_An hour with no one to talk to but the world's most boring people. James has gone off somewhere talking with everyone because he's a natural at it, and I can't be bothered to care. You all weren't here yet so I had to take refuge in the only place I could, the open bar, which, is excellent, by the way. Best thing about the whole damn party."_

_Olivia smiled at Fitz before turning towards Cyrus. "Well, how about a spin around the room, before you get too drunk, old man."_

"_Old man, my ass, toots. Let's go."_

_Olivia laughed as Cyrus twirled her out to the dance floor. She looked over her shoulder at a smirking Fitz and mouthed 'I love you.'_

'_Love you, too,' he mouthed back and made his way to the bar. _

_He chatted with a few senior associates while he waited for the bartender to pour him three fingers of scotch. _

"_Good evening, Mr. Grant."_

_Fitz tipped the bartender and grabbed his drink before he peered over his shoulder to see his assistant Amanda standing there looking uncommonly pretty. Her usually mousy hair was shiny and styled into a low chignon. Her red dress was low cut, but still managed to be tasteful with a sheer panel of fabric that came up to her collarbone. _

"_Hello, Amanda. You look nice. Are you having a good evening?"_

"_Much better now, thank you."_

_Fitz nodded awkwardly as he swirled the amber liquid in his highball glass. "Are you here with anyone?"_

_Amanda shook her head. "My boyfriend was supposed to join me, but...we had an argument before the party..."_

"_Oh, well, I'm sorry about that. I hope it wasn't anything serious. All couple's fight; you just have to find a way to work it out if your relationship is worth saving. Liv and I have had our share of disagreements, but I know we'll always fight for one another, ya know?"_

_Amanda gave a sort of sad smiled and nodded. "Is Mrs. Grant here this evening?"_

"_Of course," Fitz said thinking her question was a bit odd. Why wouldn't his wife be there with him? "She's currently suffering through a turn on the dance floor with Cyrus."_

_Amanda turned in the direction of the dance floor and took in the sight of Cyrus and Olivia dancing. Olivia was currently laughing as Cyrus spun them in wide circles around the floor. Olivia caught Fitz's gaze over Cy's shoulder and tossed him a saucy wink._

"_Mrs. Grant is very beautiful."_

"_Yes, very much so."_

_As the jazz band finished their rendition of 'Fly Me to the Moon,' Cyrus kissed Olivia's hand with a flourish and lead her off the dance floor towards the bar._

"_Would you excuse me?" Fitz asked before he knocked back the rest of his drink and met his wife and Cyrus halfway._

"_I think you've monopolized enough of my wife's time, Cy," Fitz said pulling Olivia into him. "Care for a turn around the floor, missus?"_

_Olivia nodded and tugged on his tux jacket to bring him closer to her. She leaned her face up and gave him a gentle kiss. "Let's go, Dr. Grant."_

"_Don't start something you can't finish, Olivia."_

_She laughed as he took her into his arms and started dancing to the apropos 'You Go to My Head.'_

"_Amanda makes me uncomfortable."_

_Olivia smirked and shook her head. "Why?"_

"_I can't really explain it."_

"_Does she always make your uncomfortable, or is it just tonight?"_

_Fitz swung them around so they moved deeper into the crowd and farther from Amanda's gaze. "All the time."_

"_Then get rid of her."_

"_She's very efficient and she's never been inappropriate, just a little...odd. I don't know how to explain it. Any way, it's not important. Let's enjoy our evening, shall we?"_

_0o0o0_

"_Hello, Mrs. Grant. You look lovely this evening."_

_Olivia looked up from her Blackberry and smiled at the young woman before her. Fitz and Cyrus were at the bar with the other associates and partners laughing raucously at something Olivia would wager wasn't all that funny. "Amanda, how are you? You look very nice as well. Would you care to join me for a bit?"_

"_Thank you, Mrs. Grant."_

"_Please, call me Olivia. Are you having a good time?"_

_Amanda shrugged and set her champagne glass down on the table. "As much as can be expected at a company party without a date to dance with. You and Mr. Grant seem to be having a good time."_

_Olivia looked over at the bar as another as another shout of laughter came from Cyrus. Fitz met Olivia's gaze and gave her a look that was full of sex and dark promises that made her squirm in her seat. _

"_He's a good man, Mr. Grant, and an excellent boss. I really like working at K & S."_

_Olivia moved her eyes from Fitz back to Amanda. "Yes, he is, and I'm glad. Going to work is a lot easier when you enjoy what you do."_

"_Or at least who you work for."_

_Olivia raised an eyebrow and smiled. "True."_

"_Mr. Grant seems to get all the female clients that come into the firm, but he's so devoted to you, he barely pays them any attention when they flirt. And they really do flirt. It's like these women have no consideration for a wedding band."_

_Olivia sat incredulous at the forwardness of the young woman before her. She wasn't sure if that was a slight towards her, a reminder, or a warning. _

"_You should know, Mrs. Grant that if anything at all happened, I would definitely let you know."_

"_Amanda, I don't doubt my husband's faithfulness, so I'm sure there isn't anything you'll be needing to tell me."_

"_Oh!" Amanda said, her hand moving up to clutch her necklace. "Mrs. Grant, I hope I haven't made you think—I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds."_

"_You're close," Olivia remarked picking up her glass of champagne._

"_I'm sorry, Mrs. Grant, forgive me. It's just; well I wouldn't want you to be caught unawares if anything did happen. Not that I think it would, but I just wanted to let you know, I'm, well, I'm on your side."_

_Olivia took at deep breath a stared at Amanda. She opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by Fitz coming back to the table. _

"_Honey?" Fitz said leaning over to kiss her cheek. "One last dance before the night's over?"_

_Olivia nodded and put her hand in his outstretched one. She turned back over her shoulder as Fitz led her out to the dance floor. "Have a good evening, Amanda."_

"_I see what you mean, Fitz, she's a strange girl."_

OFOFO

**September 2012**

"Please kill me," Karen groaned. An oversized pair of sunglasses shaded her eyes as she gingerly sipped from a tall Bloody Mary.

"Hair of the dog?" Olivia asked as she let the bubbles from her mimosa tickle her nose.

"Ugh. Why did I drink so much? Why didn't I just stop like Mason suggested?"

At present, Fitz, Jerry, Mason and Mason's father were on the court playing a truly pathetic game of doubles. Jerry and Mason were relatively good, while Fitz and Mr. Spencer were battling to keep up, making the teams balanced, but utterly unwatchable.

"Karen, you really need to talk to your father."

"Did you and dad talk last night?"

Olivia flushed only slightly before taking a big sip of her drink. "We talked some."

One perfectly arched eyebrow appeared over the top of her designer shades. "You didn't sleep together, did you?"

"Karen."

She lifted a hand in supplication and turned towards the court to see the score was 30-Love, Mason and Mr. Spencer. "I just can't believe you're so willing to forget everything he put you through."

"Karen, it's not fair for you to judge your father based on the little you know. And it's our relationship, not yours."

"I'm not basing his dishonesty and lack of trustworthiness on your relationship. My father makes big promises and says lovely words, but in the end he doesn't mean any of it. Not enough to follow through."

"You should be talking to him about this, Karen. Not me. I've already been in the middle of your relationship enough. I don't want to be there any more. You're getting married, and he's your dad. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if he's not there and if you don't try to fix this."

Karen scoffed and grabbed her Bloody Mary for support. "Mighty big words from someone who literally ran away when he came into the room last night."

Olivia finished off her mimosa and gently set the glass down. "He really loves you. It tore him apart when you wouldn't speak to him, I know for a fact he wasn't putting on airs."

Olivia stood up and placed a kiss on Karen's forehead. Karen sighed deeply and continued to sip at her hangover cure as she watched her father and brother finally score a game point.

OFOFO

Olivia took refuge in the big house from the mid-day sun. She'd always admired the house during her runs on the beach when she and Fitz would go to the Hamptons for the season. She'd known that the house was a Rothschild home and old one at that, but hadn't given much thought to what that actually meant. Had Mellie been there some mornings when she and Fitz had walked by like a pair of teenage lovers? Could she easily spy their not so discreet couplings from the large windows at the back of the house? Had she really been so thoughtless to this woman's feelings?

"Olivia, why aren't you out enjoying the game?" Mellie said from the kitchen where she setting a carafe of orange juice beside another bottle of champagne on tray waiting to be transported outside.

Olivia shrugged and moved toward the kitchen island. "Do you need any help?"

Mellie smiled and shook her head. "No, thank you."

Olivia sat at one of the high back chairs around the granite island. Mellie paused from setting items out and faced Olivia. "Is there something you wanted?"

"When did you find out about me and Fitz? And how?"

Mellie was taken aback for a moment not expecting the abrupt question. "I saw you two together, the evening of Super Tuesday while we were waiting for returns. Fitz and I had a big argument that evening about it."

"Fitz knew that early?" Olivia asked incredulously.

Mellie laughed mirthlessly. "We may not have had the best marriage towards the end, Olivia, but there wasn't a lot that we kept from one another. Fitz had almost no regard for my feelings in the end, and I couldn't really be moved to care myself. I didn't want to be some ornament on his arm for an election. Our marriage had been over for a while when you came along."

"So, you were okay with Fitz cheating?"

"God no. I was furious," Mellie turned towards the wine cooler at the side of the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. "Would you like a glass?"

"Sure, thank you." Olivia sat quietly while Mellie poured knowing that they'd only breached the tip of the iceberg.

"I gave up a lot for that man. I gave up my own career, my livelihood. I had kids younger than I ever thought I would. When I first had Karen, we were a wreck. We were fresh out of law school, just newly barred with our first jobs in Boston. Fitz didn't want to rely on his father's money and he wouldn't come into his trust until he was thirty any way, so we had very little to survive on and then we had another mouth to feed. It was hard, but we got through it because we had each other. Then things got better for us financially, but worse for us as a couple. Then it seemed like things changed almost overnight. We were unhappy for years, but I can't tell you when it started. We had Jerry and then things got even worse.

"Then he gets this idea of wanting to move back west and run for Governor. I supported the idea. The man was born for public office. He's an idealist. A man that believes that government actually changes things. And he was great at it. I thought maybe one day he'd run for Senator, we talked about it, but we never talked about him running for President. I blame Cyrus for that push, and you a little. We barely spoke to each other while he was Governor. I was sure he was having an affair then, but he wasn't. We just stopped being in each other's corner. So, while I wasn't surprised that my husband was having an affair with you, I was angry. I was upset that we didn't love each other like that anymore. I was upset that my husband, no matter how distant, was cheating when I never had. Because somehow I just assumed...well, that doesn't matter I guess."

Olivia sat, stunned at what Mellie revealed. She hadn't thought any further than what Fitz had told her about their relationship. She hadn't needed to. She'd seen the fights and the blowback. She'd watched as the divorce papers were delivered to Fitz and had seen his relief, but she'd never though of the other side of the equation. She'd never really stopped to really think about Mellie.

"Mellie...I...I'm sorry."

Mellie shrugged and poured some more wine. "It's in the past now. And I'm...I'll be okay."

Olivia picked up her wine glass and took a long sip before meeting Mellie's gaze. "Still...I guess, I just never thought that far."

Mellie nodded and sipped at her wine. Raised voices started to filter in from outside grabbing both women's attention. They exchanged a brief look before moving towards the source of the commotion.

"Karen, sweetheart, maybe now is not the time—"

"This is as good of time as any Mason. Dad seems to think I'm behaving like a child."

"Because you are, Karen. How long are you going to punish me for the past? You're not a kid anymore. I said I was sorry. I can't believe you'd keep something as big as your wedding from me because you're upset."

"I'm not upset. I'm angry. I'm furious. I'm hurt. All I wanted is for you and mom to give a damn. All I wanted was for you to be there when you said you were going to be."

"Karen," Mellie said sternly, drawing her daughter's attention.

"I'm sorry mom, but it's true. Jer and I were shipped off so we were out of your hair, but it didn't help anything. You still got divorced, dad still cheated. Jer and I were still left disappointed time and again."

"You grew up with the best of everything," Fitz said angrily. "You never wanted for anything, I'm sorry, but I don't feel bad for you."

"The only thing I ever wanted was for you to care more about me than your stupid career! The only thing I ever wanted was for you to be there when I needed you. Do you have any idea how much it killed me to see you so happy about you and Olivia's baby? You were never that excited about anything we ever did, dad. Not once. You couldn't be bothered to make it to graduations; you couldn't be bothered to make it to recitals, or swim meets, or basketball games, but you were so excited when you mentioned this baby. You and Liv's baby, I never saw you so happy about anything that had to do with me. They may seem like nothing to you, dad, but it was everything to me. I just wanted you to be there for me. And every time you chose to be somewhere else. Every time."

Karen had tears streaming down her face as she turned to look at a crestfallen Olivia. "I'm sorry, Liv. It's nothing against you. I love you; you listened. You cared when I called. You wanted to know. It's more than I can say for either of them."

Olivia shook her head. "Karen, I don't think you're being fair to either of your parents right now."

Karen stared at her incredulous. "You should know better than anyone Olivia—dad's a great politician. He's very good."

Karen stormed past Olivia and her mother, tears continuing to fall down her face, Mason following quickly behind her.


	8. Landslide

_Landslide_

_December 2011_

_Fitz stared at the bottom of his third glass of scotch. Olivia chose to go to New York to visit her parents instead of attend the King & Spalding annual Christmas party. They'd barely spoken to one another since the death of their daughter. She'd been buried in the Grant family plot in California, and from that day forward things in their lives changed dramatically. They no longer went to each other as their source of comfort. Fitz found more comfort in work and trying to move past what happened; Olivia found comfort in her parents and took many a trip to go see them. They'd hardly been in each other's company for more than a few moments at a time since that horrible day in October. _

_"Couldn't persuade Liv to come?" Asked Cyrus as he sidled up beside Fitz at the bar. _

_Fitz set his glass down on the counter and motioned for the bartender to pour another two fingers of the amber liquid. _

"_No, she decided to go to her parent's house for the holidays. I'll be here through Christmas, alone. She'll be back for the New Year, I guess."_

"_She just needs time. I'm sure it'll work out. I've never seen two people who need each other more than the two of you need one another."_

_Fitz scoffed and picked up he refilled glass knocking back half without a thought. "Maybe, I'm not so sure anymore."_

_"Buck up, Fitz. This sullen attitude is not at all becoming in a grown man," Cyrus gave Fitz what was supposed to be a stern look, but ended up being more of a drunken leer. _

_As the night progressed, Fitz managed to drink himself into a state of false happiness, temporarily putting the thoughts of Olivia and their dead child out of his mind. _

_"Are you having a good evening, Mr. Grant?" A voice rang out beside him. The cloying smell of perfume hit him quickly and made his stomach churn. He turned towards the source of the voice to find his assistant Amanda in a well-fitting black dress that left little to the imagination. _

_"No Mrs. Grant this evening?"_

_"No, Mrs. Grant is visiting her parents. I'm here alone as you can see."_

_"I'm sorry you're here alone and not having a good time by the looks of it."_

_Fitz shrugged, a little of the scotch in his glass sloshing over the side. _

_"Would you like to dance, Mr. Grant?"_

_"With you?" Fitz asked slightly confused by the subject change. _

_"Yes, it's a slow song, so you wouldn't have to do too much moving."_

_Fitz kicked back the rest of his scotch and set the empty tumbler down with a bit more force than intended. He placed his hand in Amanda's outstretched one and allowed her to lead him to the dance floor. _

_The moved in small circles, Fitz too inebriated to care and Amanda relishing the opportunity to be someplace she'd wanted to be for a while. _

_"I know I've said it before," Amanda began, "but, I'm so sorry for you and Mrs. Grant's loss. I know it must have been devastating and it can't be easy to have your wife away at the holidays. It's always such a lonely time of year."_

_"I'm not lonely," Fitz replied gruffly. "I wish we was here, but I'm not lonely."_

_"Sorry for assuming," Amanda said with a faux sheepish expression. She slowly moved her hand up the arm that was wrapped loosely around her waist, pausing when she made her way to his bicep, giving a firm squeeze. _

_"I just want you to know, Mr. Grant, anything you need, I'm here for you. You just have to ask. Hell, you don't even have to ask," she whispered moving closer to him. "It can be our little secret."_

_Fitz stared down into the face of a woman that under normal circumstances, he never would have given a second thought about. She was too young, and far too eager and something indefinable that Fitz couldn't quite put his finger on. _

_"You're being awfully inappropriate, Amanda. I'm your boss and I'm married."_

_Amanda gave what Fitz figured was a girlish sort of laugh, but really came off a little maniacal. "I hate seeing you so tense and out of sorts, Mr. Grant. I can help you. Please let me. No one will ever have to know."_

_0o0o0_

_Fitz stumbled into his Georgetown house around two AM. He ripped off his bowtie and furiously worked to remove to the cuff links Olivia has purchased for his as a birthday present. _

_Bile rose and his stomach tightened as flashes of what he'd done invaded his head. He was angry with himself. How could be have done that? How could he have been so..._

_He shook his head to try to clear his thoughts. His mind was a whirl with the vision of Amanda on her knees in front of him, his fingers in her hair and she inexpertly took his cock into her mouth. Everything about it was wrong. She didn't feel the same as his Livi, her hair felt foreign under his fingertips, the scent of her perfume was nauseating instead of seductive. _

_The small closet they'd found was not far from the party and a dumb location to choose. Fitz pulled roughly at his hair trying to exorcise the feel of her lips against his from his mind. He rubbed his fingertips together feeling a bit like Lady Macbeth wanting desperately to remove the feel of her skin on his fingers. It was wrong, it was all so wrong. Nothing about her was like his Livi. _

_Fitz bent over the sink in the kitchen as he desperately tried to keep from retching over the marble countertops. _

_"Fitz?" _

_The kitchen light flipped on causing him to groan and quickly shut him eyes. _

_"Babe, are you okay?"_

_Fitz turned to see his wife, clad in his Navy sweatshirt and a pair of short pants coming towards him, arms stretched in concern. _

_"What are you doing here?" He whispered. "I thought you were in New York until New Year's?"_

_"I...I didn't want you to be alone for Christmas. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry, but we'll talk tomorrow. You have obviously had too much to drink. Good party?"_

_"Awful party. Please don't leave anymore."_

_"I won't."_

_"Promise me. Promise me no matter what happens. Please. Please don't go."_

_Olivia tilted her head to the side and watched as tears sat unshed in her husband's eyes. She chalked it up to him being drunk and replied, "I promise."_

OFOFO

**September 2012**

"Quit coddling her, Mel. She's acting like a child."

"Well, Fitzgerald, she's our child and she's hurting because of something we did, perhaps you should get a better idea of what she's talking about."

"Are either of you going to go see her?" Olivia interrupted.

"Why don't you do it since she seems to be so fond of you," Fitz replied, his voice hard and tone flippant.

Olivia stared at Fitz, pain clearly etched across his face, but his response was uncalled for. "I just think it's easier for her because I'm not her parent."

Olivia turned and walked into the house not wishing to get into an argument with Fitz and not wishing to listen to Fitz and Mellie bicker.

Olivia climbed the stairs towards the bedroom wing of the house and followed the sound of raised voices to Karen's room. Olivia knocked loudly and announced her presence on the other side of the door.

Karen opened the door, her eyes puffy and strained. She stepped back and allowed Olivia to enter her room. Mason smiled at Olivia, gave Karen a gentle kiss, and made his way to the door.

"I'm going to go make sure everything's okay down there. I love you, Karen, remember that."

"I love you, too Mason."

Olivia smiled at Mason as he left. "You've got a great fiancé, Karen."

Karen turned to look at Olivia straight on. "Did you come up here to tell me that I'm acting like a child as well, or to just lecture me on how to treat my parents?"

"Neither. I came up here to tell you a story."

"Will this story have some sort of moral implication and let me know that I should apologize?"

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know. Depends on what you get out of it, I guess."

Karen sighed and reclined back on her bed. "Hit me."

Olivia smiled and walked around Karen's room. It was sparse of any kind of personal decoration as she was sure that this room was one of many that'd belonged to Karen. This wasn't Karen's home, but the space was still warm, and there were still family pictures littered around the room.

"When I was growing up, my father expected me to go to medical school and follow in his footsteps. Work at his practice, take over his practice, and grow his business. The man is so passionate about medicine and about helping people. When I told him I wanted to go to law school and not become a doctor I'd never seen him so devastated. After all, I'd never given any inclination that I wanted to do anything other than medical school. I'd taken all the classes that I needed in order to go to medical school, I'd even sat for my MCAT, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was what he wanted and not what I wanted. I'd never really stopped to think what I wanted to do."

Olivia stopped her circuit of the room to sit next to Karen on the bed. She gently ran a hand down Karen's arm as she continued. "My dad was so hurt. He still tells people to this day that law school had simply been my fall back because if I couldn't get into Duke Medical School as he did, then I wasn't going to go at all. It used to devastate me. I couldn't understand why this man I love so much couldn't understand that this wasn't something that I wanted to do. I didn't love medicine the way he did. I needed to make my own path. It used to tear me up inside that he wasn't proud of the daughter I was instead of the daughter he wanted me to be. I just didn't understand, with all I've done and accomplished why he couldn't be proud of me.

"Until one day, my mother sat me down and explained something to me that I'll always remember. She said that dad was proud of me, but he held onto this image of who I was going to be for so long that it was really difficult for him to believe anything else. It wasn't that he didn't love me, and it wasn't that he didn't realize what I'd accomplished. He just had other plans. And then I realized, that I was holding onto expectations too. Karen, we can't change our parents. As much as we'd love to, we just can't. But, we can change how certain things make us feel. All our parents' want is the best for us. My father's expectations of what would make me happy were not my expectations of what would make me happy.

"You need to let go of the expectations you held on your parents. I know it's not easy. You wanted something very different then what they could give you, but now you're an adult, Karen. You're getting married, you'll have children of your own some day, and you can do things differently if you'd like. But, those two people downstairs would walk through fire for you. They love you, even if it's not the way you want them to."

Tears tracked down Karen's cheeks as she listened to Liv's story. "It...just...it really hurts, you know?"

"Yeah," Olivia replied. "I do. I really do."

Karen turned her head to the side to look at Olivia. "Does it get any easier?"

Olivia nodded. "Day by day. It gets easier. Sometimes it still really hurts and sometimes it still really sucks, but it gets easier, that much I know."

Karen kicked at the bed in a moment of pique before she settled back down. "I should actually talk to him, shouldn't I?"

"It's your life, Karen. You can do whatever you want. I just think that if you let this sit and fester any longer that you'll wake up one day and regret what could have been. Your dad is your dad. He's not going to change this late in the game. Don't shut him out of your life."

Olivia leaned over and gave Karen a kiss on the cheek. "You coming back down or what?"

"Can I hide for a bit longer?"

"Of course."

Olivia gave Karen a gentle pat on the leg, and made her way from the room. As she walked down the stairs she realized she heard no more raised voices and hoped that was a good thing.

As she made her way out to the patio, she found Jerry and his wife, Megan, sipping what appeared to be Bloody Mary's.

"What happened to everyone, Jer?"

"Well," Jerry began setting down the glass that was lightly beaded with sweat. "Mom stormed off inside, dad took a walk down the beach, and Mason took his parents out of the crossfire. I think their flight is set to leave tonight anyway."

"Ah."

"Are you okay?" Megan asked. "You were kind of caught in the crosshairs there."

"Par for the course, I suppose," Olivia responded leaning over to give both Jerry and Megan a kiss on the cheek. "Any way, I need to get back to the city. I have client files just waiting for me to go over. It was great getting to see you both. Stay out of trouble, and come visit me some time, yeah?"

Jerry smiled and stood to pull Olivia into a big hug. "I hope things work out for you. And I hope...well, I hope...I just want the best for both of you. I love you, Liv."

"Love you, too, Jer."

OFOFO

Olivia walked the short distance back to the house enjoying the sounds and smells of the surf. When she made it back to the house, she found Fitz sitting on the back porch, beer in hand, peeling away idly at the label.

"I'm going to head back to the city tonight," Olivia said as she leaned against the interior door.

Fitz turned in her direction, but didn't say anything, his fingers continuing to pick at the dewy label.

"Your comment about Karen was uncalled for."

"Was I wrong? My daughter prefers you to her mother or me. It's poetic justice I suppose."

Olivia furrowed her brow and scoffed. "What the hell is that supposed to me? I care about Karen. I don't treat her like my child; I know she's not. But, I listen and I'm there for her as someone whose judgment isn't-"

"You're not a parent!" Fitz exclaimed. "You wouldn't begin to understand or know what it feels like to have your child hate you so much that she seeks refuge in your ex-wife, who was once just some woman you were dating. She trusted you more than before you were even a part of this family, so don't give me that."

Olivia took a deep breath and willed herself not to cry. She stood taller and looked Fitz in the eye as she spoke. "I am a parent. I'm a parent of a baby girl we buried in the ground. She may not be here, but that doesn't lessen the fact that I was her mother. I'll never get to see her walk down the aisle, but that doesn't lessen the fact that I am someone's mother. I don't know what it's like to have my child say they hate me, but I'd give the world to have that with her."

One tear escaped from Olivia's eye and she angrily wiped it away. "How dare you," she whispered. Olivia turned and pushed the back door open making her way towards the master bedroom to pack her things and get back to her life in the city. Fitz's footsteps were close behind her as he called after her, but she was in no mood to entertain his entreaties.

She set her suitcase out on the bed and moved over to the dresser, pulling clothes out in piles, not at all interested in neatness or the state of her clothes when she made it back to the city.

"Olivia, wait."

"No, Fitz," Olivia said turning towards him, pausing in her packing. "No more. I won't keep fighting this battle with you. This is hopeless. We will do anything to hurt each other. Aren't you tired of that? I'm so tired of that. I can't take anymore. Go home. Live your life. Spend time with your new baby. Just stay away from me."

"I'm sorry."

"You're always sorry, but that doesn't stop you from doing or saying things that… We can't keep doing this."

"I love you."

Olivia laughed: a bitter, painful, and dry laugh. Tears were freely coursing down her face, her body wracked with sobs and laughter.

"Do you even know what that means? Not moments ago you used the one thing against me that you know-you know-hurts me every time I breathe. And you say you love me? Why would you say that to me? Why!"

Fitz's hands were locked in his curls, pulling as he paced back and forth. "I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry. I don't know what else to say. What do you want me to say? I'll say it?"

"I don't want you to say anything. I'm all talked out; we're all talked out. Actions speak louder than words, Fitzgerald."

Fitz moved across the room and closed the top of the suitcase to stop Olivia's progress. "This cannot be it. I'm sorry. I know that's enough, but I am really, truly sorry. And I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that this is real. We've got things to work out, I know we do, but I know we can do it."

"No, Fitz. No. Not again. Not anymore."


End file.
